I’ve been comparing this year to last year’s Christmas and well basically there is no comparison. Last year I was working full time, seems like a life time ago, shopping and decorating for a family of 8 – cooking, cleaning, exhausted and got lots and lots of stuff.
This year..this year…I’m not working. I went shopping one day with my friend Lori mostly tagging along while she shopped but did end up buying one thing each for my 2 boys and Rachel. One thing. I showed you the decorations which took about a minute and a half to put up earlier in the month. On Christmas day I cooked for me and my mom like I do every day and then I lived everyone’s dream. I did nothing. I sat in front of a fire and read a book – in my pj’s – alllll day. It could not have been more different. It helped to know how many people would love the kind of day I had. Just me and mom.
My pile – books, soap and slippers. Thank you Zachary and Rachel.Mom opening a present – she had fun
Here were my best presents of 2016:
1) as I was telling Zachary of something difficult I went through last week – he said “write it all down – this is going to make you a GREAT writer! – use these experiences as research” – I mean talk about reframing. Love that kid.
2) Alyna sent me a couple of texts – saying Merry Christmas and she misses me. I was so happy..love that girl.
And
3) my sister showed up today – well not just showed up – we were expecting her – but anyway, first thing out of her mouth? “You’ve lost weight”
I am trying to figure out a way to incorporate the passages below from a diary that I read recently into a blog post. The Goochland Historical Society puts out a publication/magazine – small booklet – I don’t know how often but anyway we bought volume 44 because it has letters from my great great grandparents to each other during the Civil War and also includes excerpts from The Diary of Elvira Bruce Seddon written at the end of the Civil War. I am captivated by Elvira’s diary…her blog..ha!..It is fascinating to me. The letters from my gg grandparents (great great) are okay – but her diary is haunting me. So here’s what I’m gonna do… I’m going to include these three passages from her diary and then I’m just going to blog and well you tell me if you see any connections…How’s that? (you don’t actually have to tell me…It’s just a figure of speech)
The eldest of nine children of the Honorable James Alexander Seddon, Secretary of War, CSA, and his wife Sarah Cabell Bruce. Elvira Seddon was born in Richmond, VA on September 21, 1846. When this diary was begun in March of 1865, she was a young lady of 19 living at Sabot Hill, her family’s country estate in Goochland County. Miss Seddon never married and died prematurely on June 24, 1882.
General Lee surrendered April 9, 1865.
4/17/1865
Many persons in our vicinity are left entirely without servants. At Dr. Walker’s the children cook, and at Mr. Gray’s the young ladies perform the most menial offices. These evils will soon be corrected, however, for white labor will be procured and we will be more comfortable and prosperous than formerly. I should not object to giving up slavery, for it is undoubtedly an evil to our state, were it not forced upon us by the Yankees. Were it an act of free will, I should rejoice!
4/18/1865
The evening being a sweet, mild one, we all sat on the porch after sunset. Looking out on this calm peaceful scene I could not realize that our fair land was desecrated by the tread of the miscreant foe. Nature kindly affords oblivion temporarily it is true, but still blessed. As we gaze on her beautiful works, our hearts are filled with gratefulness and good will, and we even forget, as I said, our enemies for the time.
4/24/1865
The Yankees policy is conciliatory. We have experienced no annoyance from those at Manakin. They are kept, I hear, in the strictest discipline and give offence to none. What good sense the Yankees show in pursing this mild course! Many will be won by it. I expect such is the weakness of human nature that all principles are swallowed up in the sense of personal comfort. How can our people forget their injuries? How? I certainly cannot imagine.
Last weekend Mom and I met my friends Debbie and Janice (and Gwen and two new friends) at Debbie’s church for this phantasmagorical production called Finding Christmas. The production included a 30 piece live orchestra; I counted 207 cast members (in the program) – which includes 110 dancers – 47 children – 102 youths – 128 adults and 17 flying angels, although I think the most flying angels at one time were 6. I mean when those angels started coming out of the ceiling I said to my mom “you gotta see this..” which of course she can’t…because she’s blind…but she loved it just the same. Baby Jesus was real, well not the real Messiah…that I know of…but a real baby and they listed 5 babies they had on reserve. The singing and the dancing were of professional quality –Debbie’s daughter was one of the dancers. I asked Debbie if this was a professional company that comes in every year and she said no they are ALL members of the church. I mean really it was something.
We had bought our tickets separate from Debbie so we weren’t seated together. This auditorium I’m guessing holds about 500 people. Anyway, we weren’t seated with Debbie but had planned to go out for dinner afterwards. So anyway, there was a mixup with our seats and we had to be reassigned and our reassigned seats were in the pew right in front of Debbie and gang. I mean what are the chances? They all said “God works in mysterious ways” – Amen to that. I mean you’d think he’d work some other kinds of miracles but still it was so fun to be able to sit with them.
Afterwards I brought mom home and drove back out to meet them for dinner. A night out – I was too excited. They still had not been seated when I got back to the restaurant and it had been an hour since I left them at the play. We ate, talked, laughed, and thought about eating more. One of the stories from a new friend ..after I was hearing about all the airline travel she does.. I asked her what she does for work…she said she travels for fun…she’s retired…bitch…I don’t mean that of course…but then she shared a sad story about a forced retirement and some truly sad circumstances that led up to her new life of traveling around the world, on a whim, with her husband, whenever she wants. To which I thought (but didn’t say) “you mean you don’t work but you don’t have to live with your mom after losing all your possessions and now deep in debt after being taken by a low life, 2 bit, con artist?”
Mom says I need to work on forgiveness.
When I was little I used to have to say my prayers – well I shouldn’t say “have to” – I mean I just said them…God bless Mommy and Daddy, Kerry, Scott, Lynn and Kathy. I also always added whatever animal we had at the time. That is all I remember to the prayers, God bless… Now, I’m trying – God please help me to forgive…and then I have to think about who I need to forgive. I guess if I can’t think of someone’s name then I’ve already forgiven them right? God’s usually the first name I need to forgive, and really I think the only two on it are John (I know right?) and LL2BCA (see above). All three of them have been actors in a phase of my life causing something to occur that I did not ask for. God does that A LOT so I’m constantly in need of forgiving him. There’s Jimmy, the light of my life (in addition to the light of Zachary) that I thank “GOD” everyday for. John at one point thought I should thank him for Jimmy. It’s just there are some things that I feel I should have had a say in. Even though Jimmy is a blessing to us all I hang onto resentment towards his father- isn’t that crazy? It’s just nutz.
I am positive that this move here is going to have the same positive Jimmy-like outcome and I do thank God almost daily for the good I see here. I am going to look back at this time as being the best move I ever made or something like that, I’m sure of it. I really do love this area – I’m not unhappy with the weather – it’s not as cold as Pittsburgh – obviously not as warm as Florida – but it’s really not bad – the scenery is so beautiful – when I’m stressed I go cut wood, enjoy the sunshine and love the clean air. Soon I’ll be on horseback when the time is right –– I’m doing yoga (Sally will be so proud) at home!! With a CD!! (that takes alot of discipline) The tasks and errands are endless which keep me busy – and then there’s the whole helping mom thing – She seems very thankful that I’m here. I like that I’m being useful. I am not unhappy.
Here’s the thing though – I just wish I would have chosen it. Ya know? That’s all I’m saying. I really don’t care about losing my things – I mean they’re gone – there’s not a lot I can do about it now – it’s just the way it was done. I would have liked it to be my choice – not forced to because, well because. But even the way that happened can be look at as a blessing…
After I left Florida that person I had moved there with and subsequently lived with for 2 years turned into a LL2BCA (low life, etc.) and well it is because of those hateful texts and emails and ultimatums from him that I never ever think about reconciliation, well lets not say I don’t “think” about it but when I do I remember those last exchanges and well that’s the end of that thought. That finality helps with this transition and feeling settled. I feel settled. I haven’t felt settled in a long time. So I don’t even know if forgiveness is appropriate because without that ending I would still be sad. Dare I thank him too?
Hmm, so maybe that just leaves God (for not giving me clearer signs, or an income) and John. HA! I forgive John, of course I do, okay fine…I guess I’ll thank him. It’s been 25 years. I will publicly thank him right here, right now. Thank you John for being a part of bringing Jimmy into our lives and for being an awesome father.
And thank you LL2BCA for helping me in your strange ways to move on.
And God I forgive you too. I know you’ve got something up your sleeve. You really do work in mysterious ways. I’ll wait for it.
God Bless Mommy and Daddy (in heaven), Kerry, Scott, Lynn and Kathy and all of our offspring. And please keep an eye on Blackie, Daffy, Spring, Rooster, Allie, Deek and Max in animal heaven. Oh and that big gray cat that we had for a short time, like a weekend, before he got hit by a car. Amen
I’m at Wegman’s – one of the places I plug in to get the internet. I feel like I need to take advantage of the internet connection and send a blog although…as you’ve heard me say a thousand other times …not alot to say. Actually I could probably get an actual number of times I’ve posted and I don’t really think it’s 1,000 times.
I am feeling productive today. I changed my car insurance info to Virginia. I’m going with my mom on Thursday to change my driver’s license info to Virginia. I am extremely reluctant to change my Florida license plate because it cost soooo much to change it “to” Florida; but mom and I decided that Virginia can be my “permanent” address and well when I get my Florida place….eventually…well this will still be my permanent address. So see? It’s all good. I’m good. It’s good. I’m happy.
I also called Hospice of Virginia and am going to be a volunteer there. I have to wait until January for their training but that will be here before you know it. I’m looking forward to getting back into the swing of things…that is if it doesn’t snow. If there is snow I’m not driving in it. Just sayin…until I get that SUV.
I applied for more jobs today – as I always do when I plug in – doesn’t mean anything but I still apply. I’m getting much more creative in the types of jobs I apply for. Recently, in the spiritual books I read, it says that God has big things in store for people like me that on the surface have seem to be forgotten. Dark days usually precede something big. I’m thinking something big is in store for me. Although you might see me some day (soon) on the corner in Pittsburgh with one of those signs around my neck declaring the end of the world. I mean it could go either way.
I also was laughing with my mom today about how I tend to grumble that my life sucks when really I am so cozy in that house – we are doing so well together – I cook – she’s happy – we have fires, read books, I love my cozy bedroom (although I really could use some of those $100 sheets from Costco, and maybe a feather mattress pad – you know one of those soft things) and those silverfish won’t last forever. We’ll figure it out. I have been outside with a tshirt on as recently as a week ago, I love my firewood detail and I believe I’m losing weight. I KNOW I’m losing weight. The sun shines here alot and I’m always busy doing something. The fact that I will end up in debtors prison is irrelevant mainly because so far there is no debtors prison…yet…and well anyday now I could hear from one of those agents. ANYDAY now. I’m not unhappy. It’s just taken me awhile to realize it.
But here is something, and this is really important, I need to stay off of any site that talks about my TV shows. I don’t think about TV anymore until I read about my shows like THIS IS US – and well I just don’t want to know what’s going on because this summer, when I’m back to floating (living in my head) I’m going to have to do alot of TV catching up. Floating and TV catch up. That’s what summer is all about. I have 6 months to figure out how to make that happen. Plenty of time.
I thought today I’d let you meet my grandparents. So first of all…here’s my great grandmother
Malvina Knibb Wiley Mitchell
Malvina married Mr. Wiley when she was 20 years old, he was 68. I know, right? Prior to marrying my grandma Malvina, Mr. Wiley was married to…wait for it….Margaret Monaghan. What are the chances? (that’s my last name too!) Together they had 4 children. Okay then after Margaret dies, after 44 years of marriage, he marries my Great Grandma (9 months later) and has two more children, my Aunt Roberta and my grandad, Larry. Roberta and Larry would be about 45 years younger than their half siblings. Being that Mr. Wiley was 72 years old in 1898 (when my grandad was born) makes him the perfect age to have fought in the Civil War. Well actually makes him a little old for the Civil War. The only info we “think” we know about that is that he worked on the Merrimac (or the Monitor) ship during that war for the South. Well, we’re not even sure it was for the South. ANYWAY, we know very little about the history of the Wiley’s. But we know a heck of a lot about the Knibb’s. Malvina, my great grandmother, was a Knibb, one of 12 children. The Knibbs can trace their ancestry back to 1669 when Solomon Knibb received a land grant of 710 acres from Governor William Berkeley on the north side of the James River. Solomon listed inventory in 1679 of his estate which consisted of (in this order):
1 Indian Boy – 3000 lbs.
3 sheep – 233 lbs
1 yoke and chain – 70 lbs.
1 mare and foal – 700 lbs.
1 yoke of oxen – 900 lbs
1 pr of andirons – 40 lbs
1 silver bowl – 400 lbs.
1 silver soake cup and dram cup – 180 lbs.
1 pr green curtains & valence – 100 lbs.
2 prs. Canvas sheets, 6 napkins, 4 pillow cases, 1 towel, 2 tablecloths – 80 lbs.
1 Indian girl – 2000 lbs.
1 gun – 150 lbs.
1 silver tankard – 120 lbs.
As you can tell women have been fighting for equality for a long long time. (is that insensitive?) I wonder what they would think of all the stuff that I just parted with. My ancestors were mostly landowners, farmers and a few preachers. Our most current notable Knibb relation, that we know of, is Harwood Cochrane who founded Overnite Transportation in 1935. He just died last year at 103 years old. Knibbs are known to have long lives – it’s gotta be this fresh air.
Okay so here’s my Grandad. Here he is:
And this is my Grandma We called her Grandot.
Her name was Dorothy (get it? Dot? Dorothy?) So my Grandot grew up in Beardstown, Illinois. Her maiden name is Green . Her mother’s name is McKenzie and although I’d like to think they are from original McKenzie stock from Scotland I’m not sure of that. My great grandmother (the McKenzie) was born in the U.S. so more research has to be done. I’m gonna jump on Ancestry.com one of these days when I’m in the library.
So Grandot and Grandad met in Chicago in music school. She was a pianist and he was a singer. They both did stints in Vaudeville for a some years and my Grandot toured the country a few times as a piano accompanist for various singers and dancers, etc. My grandfather was in a singing group called the Buccaneers who sang with Burns and Allen on radio shows and they made an appearance in the movie Here Comes Cookie (with Gracie Allen) and other movie appearances.
Grandad on the left – this group might have been called The Merry MakersThe Buccaneers in the middle there. He’s third from the left. It’s hard to see I know,Grandot accompaning Fiske O’Hara
My mom was born in New York City/Manhattan. They spent a couple years there and then ended up in Hollywood, California (show-biz and all). At some point my Grandad decided that California was no place to raise a child so back they came here to Virginia, his birth place, and my Granddot hated my mother ever since. Sort of kidding there. But imagine being stars, and then living here in the woods. There were times when they didn’t have electricity OR running water. Not what my Grandot thought she was signing up for but nevertheless she hung in there for 50 years of marriage as she continued to be the rockstar piano teacher and organ accompanist around the Richmond area – like a really impressive resume including playing with the Richmond symphony – for 52 years and of course ended up loving it here in Richmond.
My grandfather is the one that built this house that I live in, by hand, by himself. He cut down all the trees himself, hand hewed the logs, drag (or stole) rocks from various creeks for the fireplace, did it all. It is quite the accomplishment and quite a masterpiece. I mean seriously a masterpiece, which is why he named it Opus #1 – which is a musical term – for his first masterpiece.
a newspaper article written in 1958 about the house.
On Friday night I went to a neighborhood church with my mom and her high school friend to sing Christmas Carols and then they had a little ceremony where they light the Christmas tree outside and sing Silent Night and then everyone has hot chocolate and donuts. We did not stay for that part as Micky (mom’s friend) had coconut cream pie at her house. OMG yum. But anyway, the church was right out of some little country novel. So stinkin cute.
In two weeks we are going to another church with Micky again and another friend. The pianist at this church took lessons from my Grandmother! Supposedly he’s nervous to meet us and hopes he doesn’t screw up.
I always went to the Baptist Church around the corner when we visited here as that’s where my Grandfather sang and allll those Knibb relatives were there. My Aunt Roberta played the organ there as my Grandmother was playing organ and also the choir director at other churches throughout the years in the Richmond area. And as I have recently found out my great great grandparents Knibb (Malvina’s parents) actually started the Salem Baptist Church in their home.
During the church service this past Friday night the pastor said something about all the religions believing in something and then he reluctantly added the Catholics too. I laughed out loud. Turns out he was serious. Like there are no Catholics in this county. I asked Micky where the Catholic Church is and she said there isn’t one – in the whole county!! I mean isn’t that something?
Here’s my point, other than wanting to ramble on about stuff, I am now living in a place where I can trace my ancestors back at least 350 years. I live on property that has been in the Knibb family for generations. Micky’s house, where I had coconut cream pie, has been there for at least 100 years. Her husband, now deceased, grew up there. He would be around 100 years old. I mean these homesteads are old. People live here forever.
In Florida NOBODY was from there – okay very few are actual natives – and so one of the questions everyone always asked for small talk was “where are you from?” – nobody asks that question here because #1 – nobody cares – and #2 probably everyone thinks you’re from here somehow. I feel quite out of place with my Florida license plate and Steeler border. It doesn’t have the same sense of pride as it did when I was so proud to live in Florida, finally. Now I just want to blend in – not stand out. Although that whole no Catholic Church, I think I’m going to have to ask a few more questions about that bias. And of course I will always be a Steeler fan no matter what.
I know I often say I’m a southern sympathizer and I realize that people might think that has something to do with slavery and of course I don’t sympathize with that. What I do sympathize with is that so many families lost so much during that war and these people died in our backyards. There are monuments and gravestones everywhere. My ancestors fought in that war, and died. When I was a kid people were still finding bullets in their yards from the Civil War. It’s sad. Slavery is sad. It was a sad era no matter how you look at it. In the north there were no Civil War battlefields were there? Other than Gettysburg which everyone says is haunted. Imagine the woods down here….spooky for sure. I just sympathize with the sadness and the destruction of that era.
The Knibbs – that’s only one side of my family. One small side. But that’s where I’m living now in Knibb country. My other people (my dad) are from Pittsburgh. I mean that’s a whole other and quite different story….
So Ja Nelly asked about a like button and boom – I’ve added it. I had a like button on the finallyflorida site but NObody used it. I never got one like. I thought maybe it wasn’t installed correctly but I think I tried it once myself and it worked. Anyway, today I added a like button (at the bottom of the post) and you can also add different emotions like on Facebook. I feel so computer savvy. Please like away!!
The other thing I decided I have to do is change my Gravatar picture. And why is it called a Gravatar? I think that’s the name of the company that manages avatars. Avatar is the actual picture (see? learning something all the time) In computing, an avatar is the graphical representation of the user or the user’s alter ego or character – From Wikipedia – please send them $3.
It saddens me to take off the beach picture with my Steeler shirt and I wish I could keep that Avatar on the finallyflorida site…which might be a project for another day – but today I’ve added the following selfie as my new pic:
#1 – the unplugged and I like it look
However, if you want to vote on it ( 🙂 you know how I like playing with these buttons) – Here are some other choices. I am going with the unplugged look (they are all unplugged) – and while I still have just a little color left before I turn pasty white like the rest of the northerners.
#2 – the chubby cheek look#3 – the miserable look – I’ve actually made this my pic on Twitter.#4 – the “lighting is probably not going to work in here” look
Now we need to talk about the layout. So when I add these new posts I get this nice computer view – on the left hand side is the menu with a background picture and then at the top of the page about the text is my “feature image”.. Like this:
But I have become aware that if you view this page on a mobile or an IPAD or similar tablet that it looks quite different.
Well I’m just not sure if I love the “mobile” look. I’m not going to have you vote on it or anything. One interaction is enough for the day. But I just want you to know that I am aware of this discrepancy and perhaps one day I shall play with that visual. That is actually called a “theme”. Aren’t you excited about all this? I feel like I’m sharing knowledge.
So for these reasons I ventured out of the house today and came to the library to work on my blog. Here is the rest of my list for the day:
Look up hunting rules in Goochland County
Call Progressive Insurance to change address
Call Jean (while I have a signal) – done
change info on healthcare.gov site – eh maybe next time
Look up another agent to send out my book
Stop at Goochland Historical Society for gifts for mom to give
Go to the dump (the garbage site) to drop off garbage
pay credit card
do Mercedes survey
Look up info on Jimmy’s neck injury
Get a yoga video from library – maybe a movie
Go to Food Lion for cheese and Epsom Salts
Stop at the Dollar Store for twinkle lights
Look up a place to meet Lori for lunch tomorrow (I know.. FRIEND day!!)
I know you’re all jealous and you wish too that you could have my life. And I will tell you that I pretty much am happy with this life of mine. I am digging this nature and the weather. I am not freezing…yet. I know I want to be out of here by May – you know in my perfect world I want to be back floating by the summer but now I’m loving this. I really am.
Gotta get to my list and hopefully home before dark.
xoxoxox
PS – Today’s feature image is the view from the back of the library. I could actually sit out there and blog (plugs available for computers) but not today. Isn’t it beautiful?
My next boyfriend, no I mean husband, no more boyfriends for me,,,my future husband is clearly going to have to be a tree-man. You know like Mr. Edson was? I need someone with a bucket truck so I can decorate the cedar trees along the driveway with tiny twinkling Christmas lights and then I need him to cut down the extra cedar trees, of which there are many, and build me a tiny house down by the creek. You know just a little something where I can lay on the couch, blast my music and watch TV. I’m also back to baking too much as mom likes sweets…too many sweets…but this way if I’m down by the creek I’ll have to walk up the hill to get a cookie. I don’t think that’s asking too much is it? Of course my husband will have a different house where we will also cavort ..I know it’s getting a little tricky in my head here. Well, anyway, a tree man needs to be on the resume.
He’s probably going to have to be a horseman too because there is no way I’m going anywhere to meet anyone, ever again, so unless he shows up in my driveway, preferably on horseback, has a stable full of prize winning Thoroughbreds that he does something very humane with, with a nice little Paint for me, that he will give me as a wedding present and subsequently teach me how to be fearless and get the damn thing to hold a trot, well then…yea,,,that’s what I’m talking about.
I talked with a friend recently that suggested I jump on Plenty of Fish, you know the internet dating site, as it was really working for her. I didn’t want to tell her that there is NO EFFING WAY I will ever date again. Certainly never ever online…not that there’s anything wrong with that…but I’ve already had that experience. I don’t really think about dating, I mean I’m just not that marketable ya know? Not too many men are going to jump at the chance to hook up with a homeless person who has lost everything she owned to a previously wrong choice (so therefore bad judgement as well) and now bad credit. Wouldn’t YOU want to be with someone like that too? But now I’m reframing.
Soon I will be a published author (still in my head, nothing’s happened…yet).. for now I am an author and a writer..who unselfishly takes care of her blind mother …a darn good cook…loves the woods and is content to collect firewood all day. Will decorate tastefully for the holidays, not to mention baking their favorite cookies and pies. Not a big spender. Cleans up well. Not that this is going on a dating site, but I’m just throwing this out there to the Universe.
I think I might have missed the New Moon, the one where you ask for stuff, by only a day, but you know it’s sort of in my nature to be on the late side. What did John used to call it? The Lynn factor? Always adding 20 minutes to when he told me to be ready. 20 minutes, 1 day, it’s not a horrible thing is it?
Guess what I did tonight? Go ahead guess. I bug bombed (sort of) my bedroom. What is with me and bugs? I mean seriously I don’t make this shit up.
When I first came in September I was itching in bed so of course I assumed it was bed bugs and bug bombed the whole upstairs. I still itched so I changed the laundry detergent. That seemed to help, but I noticed there were a couple of silverfish in this bedroom of mine that the bug bomb didn’t seem to effect and well I figured I didn’t want to make a big deal of it, I’ll just kill them as I see them. Fast forward to November 28 and I am losing my mind with these things. I have gotten a few off of the ceiling but now they are showing up ON the bed and last night IN the bed. What the fuck? Why me? I was up half the night Googling how to get rid of them. And then this morning told mom. She had me call Mel (the exterminator she has been using for 20 years) right away who says he’ll be out in a couple of days. He’s very nice. But then I went on a hunt for other products. Boric Acid should help sprinkled in the corners, etc.; I made some jar traps where they are supposed to be able to go in and then can’t get out; they also don’t like Lavender or cedar smells. I happen to have some Lavender from my hospice days and I bought some Lavender incense from the Dollar Store. We also have 10 acres filled with Cedar trees, if only I knew how to make them into chips. I went to the hardware store first (In Goochland) and they had nothing to help me; then to the cute little Pharmacy for Lavender sachets or anything they might have to help; they also had nothing, and the store really isn’t that cute; so then I had to drive 20 miles to the Dollar Store where I found everything I wanted including Christmas decorations 🙂
Upon returning home, after dinner of course, I came up to my little room and vacuumed the shit out of it and then poured that powder all over the baseboards and under the baseboard heater and then I made homemade Lavender sachets and put them in the clothes drawers and sprinkled my bed with Lavender. Tomorrow I’m going to have to pull all my shit out of the closet that is behind my bed and clean in there. It is VERY dark in there and I don’t think it’s been cleaned for 20 years. There’s really not a lot of stuff in there (other than my stuff that I just put in there) – it’s just that it’s so dark. Maybe I’ll wait for Wayne. He comes on Wednesday. That seems like a good job for him.
In other news I walked up to the corner yesterday after cutting some wood and told mom that we are behind in getting our Christmas decorations up (you know half kidding) and surprisingly she was all for it. She told me I could decorate however I wanted and then proceeded to tell me exactly where she wanted me to put the decorations and what NOT to put up. You know, because I can decorate how “I” want. LOL.
My sister asked me what I do at night since there’s no TV (or internet) and I said “HA” – I don’t even think about what I don’t have anymore. Mom listens to NPR classical music radio all day long. I like that now too. Mom listens to books on tapes at night. We got Inferno (by Dan Brown) so I can listen to that one too. I can listen to any of them but sometimes I just zone out and look at a magazine by the fire while she listens to her books. I can’t read at the same time, I haven’t learned how to tune out her books or radio. I could come upstairs but it’s usually so cold and then I’d have to lay in bed but I don’t really want to go to bed at 8 at night so I just sit down there with her, usually with a fire going. The time goes by, it really does, and before you know it it’s time for bed.
During the days there are lots of little projects to do. There’s the firewood of course and then just house stuff. One day I cleaned the screens and windows in the living room and then you know general cleaning with the floors and the dusting and the vacuuming plus I cook everyday (or warm something up). She loves being back out in the garden so I’ll be out there with her working alongside or doing other yard type things so I can keep an eye on her. I had to put my foot down the other day when she asked for the clippers. I said “no” – a blind woman will cut off her fingers. I watched as she showed me how she would use them and I said “nope, no, no no” and she surprisingly did not argue. So she still has her fingers. Isn’t that good?
Then there are the errands and as previously reported you just can’t run out for anything. Today I left at 1:30 in the afternoon and got back at 8:00 and only got ½ done. No fire tonight because it’s pretty warm and I’m staying upstairs (where it’s not cold tonight) so I can be with the Lavender incense because she doesn’t want me to leave it unattended. Well I mean in a wood house I probably shouldn’t leave any fire type item unattended anyway, that’s just common sense.
I also get a lot of baths before bed. That’s kinda becoming my thing too. I do read in the tub.
It’s pretty darn cozy up here tonight in my bedroom as I type away (and check for bugs). I was looking into switching my cell service to Verizon because I believe a Verizon phone will work in this house and then between using that as a hot spot and using my brother’s hot spot I might even be able to do more computer stuff here at home. Nothing quite as decadent like watching TV on my computer, I’ve given that up. I’ve given up my music, I’ve given up eating meat (at my mom’s anyway), I’ve given up talking on the phone, I’ve given up laying on the couch (she has a really uncomfortable futon which she thinks is really comfortable), I’ve given up driving to Pittsburgh trying to see my kids on a whim, and I’ve given up having any semblance of knowing who I am. I mean I’m not even a mom anymore. Well obviously I am a mom, but you know, I can’t even be there if I wanted to be.
Obviously this is some sort of spiritual quest, that I didn’t ask for, nevertheless I will endure because I don’t seem to have a choice in the matter. Luckily I really do love this weather and my mom. Once I get bundled up enough and get outside I warm up (so far) very nicely. The air is so crisp and it feels and smells so good. The bugs (outside) are not out this time of year; only here IN the house; and hopefully all the snakes are sleeping somewhere where we are not. Yesterday I was out cutting my wood and in the path right behind me I saw three girls on horseback – then three girls walking on it – and then one more horse and girl. I don’t know any of them, where they are coming from or where they are going to. It’s not the beach, but it’s horses. I love horses. If these girls are riding through our yard shouldn’t they be obligated to let me ride with them? I think that should be a “thing” – don’t you?
In the meantime I shall cut wood and live life through my mother who once again, just like 50+ years ago, makes all the decisions for me because I’ve made such a mess of making my own decisions. I feel like I have to grow up again. I wonder how I’ll turn out this time?
Believe me if anyone has something to be depressed about it would be me! HOWEVER, all in all I’d say I’m coping rather well. Every day there is something that stabs me in the gut and I think “you’ve got to be effing kidding me” then I spend a fair amount of time crying, but not too long, and then I just have to get on with it. Then there’s days like today. Day’s like today that I hope to make a habit of.
As you may or may not know, I can’t remember what I say on this crazy blog, one of my jobs is to make the fire nightly. The fires are for me, or so my mom says, but I can’t believe she doesn’t benefit from them as well. Anyhoo, as the chief fire creator it is also my job to collect fire wood from the premises to use as kindling. So today, I bundled up slightly – temps were in the 50’s but sunny – I took my wheelbarrow and my little saw and off I went into the wilds, (i.e. the driveway) and tackled my assignment with abandon. (am I using that right?) Anyway, I went nuts. It’s very easy to find wood here in the woods but I went a step further. I dragged this little cedar tree out of the woods (already down) – I’m talking small tree here – and I broke off the branches and then cut the stem (trunk?) for larger firewood. My arm’s are going to be looking so good here soon. Perhaps I will start a new exercise craze here in the woods and women from all around will come and cut wood with me.
I filled up my wheelbarrow with the sticks, logs, and pinecones. Did a little tour of the driveway and made note of where some more great tree branches are down and made piles of kindling along the driveway for me to pick up another day. I also checked the premises for anything else I might find interesting (pictures below) and then returned to the house to unload my wares into their respective containers.
see all the kindling in there? A treasure troveAbigail Woodson is buried on the property. She was about 18 months old when she died. 1832 – 1833. We always take care of Abigail.
THEN, I decorated. Mom suggested putting some berries and such in the container on the stump that holds the begonias in the summer and so I did, like the obedient daughter I am. Then I decorated a little on the porch and at the bottom of the porch. Now that those flower pots that held beautiful plants in the summer are empty, having successfully transplanted the frostbitten plants to the dead zone, I was able to make some country style arrangements. I believe Southern Living will be knocking on our door soon.
I need to clean up the leaves don’t I?
Oh and the depressing part? I got rejected from both Barnes & Noble and Target yesterday. I had applied for seasonal work. And then today my battery died. Okay, not really died but it’s been hard starting and I ran over to the mechanics, who I absolutely love, and even though they were closed they checked my battery and said get one ASAP. Which is both good that it’s only a battery, and bad because you know anything Mercedes is going to cost more and of course nobody carries this particular battery so tomorrow I have an appointment with the dealer. Just shoot me. Seriously,
But that aside, it was such a beautiful day. All that fresh air just perks me up. I don’t want to get carried away and say I LOVE living here but I really am having a good time in the woods, at least today.
Tomorrow we need to discuss footwear. I’ve been noticing a lot of tight jeans and boots here in my area. Not in the woods, but when I venture to the stores that’s what I’m seeing. I forget and still dress as if I’m in the woods. I can’t decide if I’m going to care about this or not.
And now I must make dinner, another one of my jobs here, which I might add I’m also pretty good at.
I was thinking that maybe you’d want some pictures. Did I hear you say that? I am sitting in this cozy room in the library so I can send this update and it is sooo cold that I can’t think so I’m just going to make it picture day.. I guess they don’t turn the heat on in here. Not so cozy afterall.
When I lay in my bed this is what I see in the morning.
These are views I see from my windows in my room. I have TWO windows.
This area in the front there is what we weed – it’s her moss/fern gardenmore from the front
These two are from the side window
Let’s see, what else…Friday and Saturday the temps were in the 70’s, well maybe upper 60’s. In any event it was beautiful weather and perfect for weeding. Here’s some pictures from our weeding days.
yes that is the little blind mother out there working while I am sloughing off taking pictureswhat’s left of a pine cone.
On Sunday it was supposed to be in the 40’s and cloudy. I was very excited to stay in the house all day and wanted to sleep by the fire. It turned out to be 50 and sunny so not really an all day fire day but I did stay inside.
I made mom biscuits and oatmeal cookies on my inside day. She loves me.
This is pretty cool – Today I picked up my food stamps. YAY – first non-rejection notice I’ve had in years – I think I mentioned that the Social Services office is in the old Goochland High School. So I wandered the halls a bit and looked at all the old photographs that they have decorated the halls with and found this one. This is my family!
This is the picture of the Knibbs (my family) from 1923. My grandfather is sitting on the ground – 3rd one in from the right. He has some little person sitting on his lap – I’m thinking it’s a brother or sister. My mom wasn’t born yet. His mother is sitting behind him. She looks a little like my niece Evan doesn’t she? (for those of you that know Evan)
You should be able to click on and zoom in on these pictures to see better. I hope it works. I’m taking my cold self now out of this library and heading to the grocery store to use my food stamps. Life could be better but today I’m not complaining (except about the cold library room).
