I bought this book, Breaking the Habit of Being You. But today I’m having second thoughts on why I might want to break the habit of being me. Like for instance (of course there is a for instance, it’s a blog right?) anyway for instance I am feeling so overwhelmed. Feeling guilty about not keeping up with emails (and blogs) – Mom asks me everyday “did you write a blog today?” – NO MOM! JEEZ. Of course I don’t say that to her because I’m not 13. I just say “no mom, I didn’t get around to it.” Someone else wondered why it was going on 4 days and no response to her email. I said I needed more time. Time. Here’s why I don’t have time now – I’m not working. That’s writing. I am not.working.
Nope. I’m not getting into it if you don’t know the story. It’s been a very good thing overall. I am no longer grinding my teeth, I am sleeping fantastically (when I’m not up working on something), I am exercising regularly and I have taken on way too many projects now that I have time…which means I don’t have time. Looking for work is also a full-time stressful job. So writing has taken a back seat. After being on the computer for hours looking and then applying to jobs the last thing I want to do is write. And my creativity is shot. Even with all the beach walking (which usually inspires me)
I read a book last week on being inspired, Big Magic (by Elizabeth Gilbert). I was really inspired when reading it but then didn’t have time to write because I had to read it.
And then there’s Christmas – Out of all the decorations I used to have, I only have those two bins and well, I had to decorate with what I have. I still, to this day, get slightly sad over what I lost in the Storage Wars but a couple of trips to the Dollar Store and Target and well it’s looking kinda cute. I also think it’s not all the Storage Wars fault – I think I left some stuff at my moms which I have now lost to the Estate Sale wars. (not a war at all but had to make it connect somehow)
Here…what do you think?
I came really close to buying a tree for myself. But stopped short. Maybe not the year for that. But if you’re looking, Walmart has some very cheap suitable trees for someone like me. I think next year I’ll do it. It takes a while to get resettled (for any of you wanting to completely up-heave your life, keep the long recovery period in mind!)
So anyway, with all this going on I have not had time to write. Until right this minute. And this is why I like myself…For the past few days I have been feeling so overwhelmed with these projects I’ve taken on – Christmas projects – because I’ve been told not to buy anything I’ve decided maybe I’ll make stuff. Well honest to god, it’s so much easier to buy stuff. I thought maybe I’d knit blankets for the kids since they don’t have to be big blankets. I haven’t knitted in years. I also don’t have any of my knitting stuff (storage wars) and I used to have so much. At Walmart the yarn is like $2.97 – pretty cheap right? But you add the needles – and then you have to go back and get more yarn because who knew you can’t make a blanket with one ball. And why don’t they have the yarn in balls to begin with? Why do we have to put the yarn into a ball when we get it? I’ll tell you why. Because if you don’t and think “I don’t have to put this yarn in a ball – stupid people” well you’ll see. Because then you’re up until 3 in the morning…that’s right THREE in the morning trying to get knots out of your yarn. And after 3 in the morning you don’t have time to clean up the mess you have left with all the different directions you have printed off and from the computer that’s on the floor from you watching You tube videos to try to remember how to cast-on, or YO (yarn over) and who knew there is a different way to yarn over if it’s a knit or purl? You know? Whose big idea was this? So I am just straight knitting a blanket that is going to be so misshapen because I don’t know what the hell I’m doing and I will surely never get it completed and I can’t ever give it to one of those kids because I will never ever make enough for all of them.
And then the book I bought (not being me) came yesterday and I thought…I have to read this NOW.
I actually tossed and turned last night wondering how to plan my day. I have yarn everywhere – papers everywhere – that book – other writing that I have to read and critique (from writing groups) and where do I start? So this morning I made a cup of tea. Came to the porch and decided to roll a ball of yarn while I decide what to do with my day. Certain I should take that book over to the beach (it’s a beautiful sunny 85 degree day) – 5 rolls of yarn later I decided to read those writing submissions that I need to critique. So I did that. Then I decided I should make the edits they suggested to my book from two weeks ago (they suggested two weeks ago and I had yet to complete) – in the meantime I have filled a basket now with balls of yarn and other knitting paraphernalia and got my couch cleaned off. And well now it’s dark (ish) and the idea of a beach day is long gone – but how much I got done! The knitting crap is all organized (whether I ever touch it again or not) my couch is cleaned off – I have completed my critiques, I’ve made my edits – I submitted my writing for December 19 (I’m so ahead of myself) AND I actually submitted my book to an agent. That’ll be 42 agents now. Between the job rejects and my book rejects I am an expert at rejection. And that’s not an easy thing to be.
So even without a to-do list I got everything that “should” be done, done today and I’m actually blogging about it. I don’t need to change a thing.
Peace out …
xoxoxo