Category: Uncategorized

My boy is Covid NEGATIVE.  It is a relief.  He’s just regular sick.  Which is not great news for him.  Being Covid Negative is good news, but he wishes he knew what was wrong with himself.  I told him to call Telemedicine again.  He said they’re so screwed up he had to pay for the appointment as they couldn’t find his insurance.  It’s always something with this dam healthcare.  There is nothing about our healthcare system that makes me feel confident.  I’m not referring to the individual doctors/nurses/care people – they are lovely – but the system is effed up.

I don’t know about you but I’m losing my mind a little bit with this work at home thing.  I mostly LOVE working from home but my day consists of walking briefly in the morning, briefly, then downstairs to my kitchen table in the dungeon (previously known as cozy) where I don’t see the light of day for the rest of the day.  When work is over, I go upstairs to my couch and sit and watch TV.  I am on my ass 15 hours a day, minus the 10 steps back and forth from the bathroom.  At my work-work office the bathroom was really far.  The coffee pot was far.  Lunch was at least a few steps on and off the elevator and down the escalator through the tunnel!

I plan on moving this operation upstairs, to where there is light, at some point next week.  But I am still considering that because at this point I can walk upstairs and this mess is out of sight.  I’ve been talking to friends who comment that their mess is always looking at them…thus drawing you back to just do “one more thing” – way past the normal time you’d be working if you left the office to go home…on the bus…not looking back.

And how about this…you’re in the bathroom and the phone rings/or email dings, and you feel like you have to justify why you weren’t at your desk.  Did we ever feel guilty going the bathroom at work?

I know people are not happy with this work at home dream.  BUT we are also not set up properly for it.  When I worked at home full time years ago, I had a proper desk, my desktop computer supplied by my company, I mean a full office set up. I was not winging it on my kitchen table trying to make my personal laptop computer fit the remote desktop options of my company, constantly looking for files in some one- drive lost in some cloud, dropping all my work calls because I have no cell service in this basement/kitchen/office space of mine.  The work at home dreams need to come with work at home conditions.  An office, a “work” computer, provided by your employer, supplies provided by your employer, and of course a cell signal (I’m looking at you Verizon)!  Not related to work but once I was charged a roaming fee for a call I took in my kitchen!!

I know what I have to do to be blissful, but I have not as yet done it (move upstairs, buy a desk, buy a chair, do yoga at lunch!!)

For today, I am happy that I can visit my boy without fear of Covid cooties. It is a good day!

xoxoxxo

I have two older sons.  My youngest son typically keeps me posted on everything going on in his life…well not everything (thank God) but he is very communicative.  My oldest…I swear conversation is like pulling teeth.  A question like “how are you” can be met with resistance.  I don’t know if he’s wondering if I have an agenda to my “how are you” or worse yet if he thinks I will criticize his answer.  If he says “fine” – will I say “what do you mean by fine” – if he says “not well” I then question “what does that mean” – I am SURE this is what he’s thinking because it can sometimes take a day or never to get a response.

Sometimes he is very chatty.  It seems to be best if I start with something other than “how are you”.

On Fridays he typically goes to Costco.  This past Friday I sent him a text and asked if he was going to Costco.  I was going to ask him to look for Peanut Butter (toilet paper is a given) – his response was “not tonight, I’m not feeling well” – to that I said “do you have a fever” and he said no.  And then I dropped it because…well see above.  He doesn’t like questions…usually. And I am always accused of over-reacting.  He never offers more information than necessary.

I offered that I would be going to the store on Saturday and could get him something if needed.  He thanked me.  See?  So good so far. He’s responding.

Saturday was met with laziness.  It seems to be a day for me to lounge in bed a long time, and then do nothing if possible.  By mid-day (and after 5 episodes of Last Tango in Halifax) I realized I had offered to get him something at the store and at this point I had no intention of leaving the house – but the mom that I am I reached out “haven’t been to the store yet – do you need anything?” – answer, “no thanks for asking” – and back I went to finish bingeing Last Tango.  I know not to push my luck with additional questions.

Sunday was a good day – I did a lot of laundry – took a few walks.  We were so windy here I was afraid of getting decapitated by a flying stop sign or any type of debris, but I am here to tell you that did not happen to me or anyone I know of.  However there was a very sad story of a tree falling on a woman and her 3 year old daughter who were walking in a park.  Presumably the wind knocked the tree over. They are both in critical care.

I watched 60 minutes last night.  What is happening in New York is horrifying and so very sad.  Anyone who watched it will understand.  Also, I’ve never heard of this Brene Brown.  Apparently she’s getting big like an Oprah.  But I don’t know anyone else that’s heard of her either.  Well anyway, I digress…

After 60 minutes…it occurred to me, Zach didn’t feel well, I should check in with him even though chances are he won’t respond because he’s Zach. I should at least be the mom and say “how are you feeling..” so I took a leap of faith and sent the text.  Not a quick response (in texting terms) but I did get “about the same as yesterday.  Not bad as long as I’m not moving” – my response “what are your symptoms” – His response “I’m scheduled for Covid test tomorrow at 8 am”

Well…

Well…

I called him.  Let me say I first sent a text and said “can I call you?” He didn’t answer.  I was m-effing him of course for not answering.  I called anyway.  No answer. But then…because he really is a good boy, he called me back, apologized that the phone was in the other room and even put me on speaker so I could talk to both him and Rachel.  Apparently, he was having trouble breathing.  Had called telemedicine and they told him to go for testing. He called them on Friday, they set up the appointment for Monday morning.  Told him if he had to go to the ER they had to call ahead of time and let them know he was having Covid symptoms before getting there.

But do you see, a whole weekend of him not being able to breathe and I don’t hear about it until Sunday night?  I was checking on him wasn’t I?  Was I just not asking the right questions? I hate kids.

And because I watched 60 minutes and heard how someone can go into the ER with slight symptoms and be on a ventilator within 3 hours well you can imagine my stress level. His sympton was he couldn’t breathe. I was trying really really hard not to over react.  It helped that it was a horrible connection and I had trouble hearing them. I succeeded in remaining calm and just said “Zachary If you can’t breathe you have to go to the ER” – They explained to me that they were given instructions on how to go to the ER if it got worse.  Rachel thinks he has pneumonia.  I don’t really care what he has, I just want him to breathe.  I also found out that Rachel had been miserably sick these past few weeks. I had no idea.  One time a year or so back I found out she was in ICU in a hospital and on a heart monitor for a month.  Know when I found out? Like 6 months later. I HATE kids.  We said our “I love yous” and hung up.  They agreed to keep me posted on the following day’s events.

I hung up with them and full on panic ensued.  I texted with a couple friends – rambling, shaking, crying.

All I could think about was:

• I smoked when I was pregnant..It was 1982 – nobody told me not to.  I smoked when I nursed.  I smoked until he was 2.  It’s my fault he can’t breathe.  It’s all my fault.  He’s going to die from this because of me.
• What if it escalates and he is put on a ventilator. Is he going to be alone?  Will they allow visitors?  Will Rachel be able to be in there with him? She’ll be losing her mind.  I’ll lose my mind.
• Will they ever tell me? Do they know I’m his mom?  Will I get a call? Or will they wait until he’s really bad before I know anything at all.
• I’m not telling Jimmy (younger son).  He is prone to panic attacks.  I’ll wait until after the testing is done.

I waited until 8:10 this morning and then sent a text to both him and Rachel and said “well?” – no response.  See what I’m saying?  Fuckers!

Then…I see he’s online.  He’s working!  And after a few short responses..

ME: Are you working?

Yes

ME: Did you drive or walk over (to testing)

Drove

ME: I assume you are feeling better or they wouldn’t have sent you home

And boom – conversation ensued…Just have to hit the right cadence I guess. 

I was shuffled to a room and the halls were lined with people in hazmat suits. ​They sat me down and shoved a thing up my nose then told me to leave.…was handed a piece of paper that said results in 1-4 days.

He shared that he is feeling much much better.  He is able to breathe much better.  I should be relieved.

I am not

I keep crying

I know I’m a cry baby

But

This is different

Most people getting this thing will feel nothing or feel like they have a cold (presumably) but people ARE dying.  It’s like a crap shoot.  Is it going to be your son?  Because you smoked?

Jimmy has sports related asthma. What if he gets it? Could he have trouble breathing if he gets it?  He’s also prone to panic attacks.  Wonder where he gets THAT from?  How will that condition interact with this Covid business?

A mom’s role is to rush to their child’s side isn’t it?.  What am I supposed to do now? I kept catastrophizing…I could run to Zach’s house and sit with him – he lives close.  Would Zachary be more upset that I’m exposing myself or would he be grateful that I’m there?  What if I get it and react adversely and be one of the unlucky ones. What about Jimmy?  Is that fair to the other one? Do I save myself? And now knowing Zachary is getting better is this the lesson?  Just wait it out?  It’s so opposite a natural motherly response. We don’t wait – we rush.

But I didn’t rush did I?  I didn’t sleep much either.

What if that would have been the wrong decision?  What if I would have lost him in the night?  I kept rehashing in my head the last time I saw him and was wondering if that was the last time I was going to see him.  Now that I know he’s okay was it mom intuition working and if it really was the end I would have known to rush?  Or am I rationalizing poor motherly response?

I KNOW this is over-reacting…which I am always accused of…my head was catastrophizing big time.  We always think it won’t happen to me.  But it does happen.  It’s happening to “me’s” all over the world.

The therapists (or pseudo therapists) reading this, are probably having a field day with my relationship issues with my children…I’m glad to give you a case study to think about…but the bottom line is the issue facing all of us mothers of older children in these times..

What are we supposed to do?

I was happy when I woke up and realized it is Friday.  Tracking my days is different now.  Not like I haven’t worked at home before, but it takes awhile to get into a new routine.  I’ve been walking to the corner all week, as if I’m going to the bus stop.  I stop and take a picture and then I “run” home.  It gets my heart moving.

Look at my beautiful city

Tuesday

Wed

Thursday

Friday

I’ve spent most of the week hating technology.  There are at least 3 ways to check my work email and each one opens differently – displays differently and has different functions.  Sometimes I get the “can’t get there from here” message and that’s when I think it’s a sign to go back to bed.

Yesterday I was on a “TEAMS” call taking notes (like Skype, Zoom, conference call program)– trying to stay inconspicuous you know, in the background, muted microphone, typing away.  Since the microphone in my laptop refuses to work I have to connect via Iphone –  I use the phone as a microphone and I’m still connected through the computer as well. It’s meant to be used by people who don’t have a microphone on their desktop.   All the sudden the call drops..Sheesh – during the meeting – that I am taking notes on – so I’m scrambling to reconnect.  I have to have the program call me since my microphone doesn’t work – anyway, so it calls me back but it never rings so I figure, heck with it, I can hear them I’ll just keep going.  They don’t need to hear me.  Next thing ya know there is a message reverberating throughout the conference call “your voice mail is full, please…blah blah..” and my boss is like “Lynn?…” Jesus Christ.  Apparently, what happened was when the program called me back the second time it went straight to voice mail and had been recording in my voice mail the whole time. Unbeknownst to me.  I mean do you see?  This is why I need to retire. Or like Zach said “I should have been a park ranger” – Technology is the worst…and the best…but the worst when it involves your job.  I’m just not going to call in any more.  There is nothing I need to say. If they need me to say anything I can put it on the “chat” screen.  I think the connection issues have something to do with the reception I get in this basement office of mine.

Speaking of basement offices, I’ve told my landlord that I will not be renewing my lease. I now have 2 months to find a place.  I don’t have a plan.  Well I guess I have a plan to move out. I don’t know where.  The whole idea was to spend a year here while I got resettled and then buy a place and really settle into my forever home.  Like my forever..which you know…the end game..last house, etc.  It’s really weird to be thinking in those terms, last house, last car.  Although seriously I’m not anywhere near last car, at least to my knowledge.  We (my age group) are though considered “at risk” in this Covid thing. That’s a bit sobering.  I don’t feel “at risk” – but just incase I figure the best thing for me to do is to keep my lungs healthy. Thus the daily walks.  I did a 20-minute yoga video the other day.  I thought I’d do 20 minutes every day.  Well,,,, the first day, 20 minutes seemed like 3 hours.  I kept thinking “is this never going to end?  Where is the shavasana?”  I haven’t done a 20-minute segment since.  I am still sore from the first one. 

Today being casual Friday, after my shower (yes it was a shower day) I decided to wear a new top.  You know just to make it a special day.  It is a new casual top.  I have realized that I can wear the same laundry basket full of clothes for the entire week.  I just need to do laundry once and rewear everything in that same laundry basket.  Maybe when I go to the grocery store over the weekend I’ll try and go outside the laundry basket and wear something else.

Has anyone else thought about purposely getting the thing?  I mean since I’m self-quarantined anyway.  Wouldn’t it better if I just got it?  Stayed home my 15 days and then at least I’d be able to visit people for a couple weeks without the threat of being a carrier or getting it again?  OR I wonder if you can be a carrier and immune at the same time?  If no one sneezes on me, and I’m not a carrier, well shouldn’t I be okay?  I don’t mind being home but I’m ready for some human interaction.  I’ve seen some people on my walk/run in the mornings but usually I cross the street.  I’m thinking of going over to my neighbors and throwing rocks at her door to get her to come outside and sit on her porch and I can talk to her from the sidewalk.  My other neighbor was BLASTING music yesterday.  Made my house shake.  He said he wanted to get people to come outside on their decks.  He used to be a DJ.  He misses it.  Maybe he’s on to something and when it warms up we can all have a dance party on our decks.  I’m going to miss living here.  I do love my little street.

It’s the weekend.  It’s warming up but it’s supposed to rain…a lot.   I wonder what shows I’ll watch.  Sandy’s turned me onto “Last Tango in Halifax” – it’s very cute.  Just about life.  Life is very interesting isn’t it?  Especially now – Life in the times of Cholera/Covid. 

xoxoxo

When to get up
When to shower
Which pair of leggins
When to eat breakfast
When to eat lunch
Is it a Tea or coffee day
When to turn on the news
When to turn off the news
Rent or buy
Netflix,  Prime or Hulu
Should I wear earrings in so the holes don’t close up
When/If to exercise

Look at me getting into a little blog habit again.  It’s the end of the day and I thought maybe I should spit one of these blogs out quickly before I turn off this laptop for the day. If for nothing else to brush up on my writing skills.  I am noticing now how all these celebrities are stealing my idea of checking in everyday – only they’re doing it with video chats. They share just as much nonsense as I do.  The difference is people follow them.  Lol. 

I am thrilled with the good news on my local news channel about how people are coming together and giving, giving, giving.  It is so heartwarming. I watched Outbreak over the weekend (from 1995 – with Dustin Hoffman and Morgan Freeman and a ton of others).  Our situation is not the same as in Outbreak as they were soooo sick.  Also, they portrayed humans as being violent and crazy and so far that doesn’t seem to be the case.  We’re either just loving each other or partying (yes I’m talking about you Florida people) – Let’s hope our goodness maintains until the end.

Mom and I have a somewhat debate about what/who is behind this.  She believes the “dark forces” are behind most things.  I disagree, I said I think this is God.  I think he/she’s saying…”look people, I’m giving you one more chance.  You either come together or I’m killing you all..”  lol… Well think about it.  The virus hits us all, no matter social status, or politics, color or race, everyone is affected.  Other than the one’s dying (sorry that’s not funny) the symptoms are not that bad. I am very aware that I could lose my mom to this if she would get it, but I also could lose her to pneumonia. I’m over 60 as well so you know I could also go down.  But then I’ll just assume I’m needed on the other side.  My point is, so far, this seems to be bringing good out in the majority of us.  If we prove to God that we can all get along maybe he won’t wipe us all out and start over. I even sent a tweet today to Adam Schiff in support of a Trump interview clip.  It was unacceptably edited and very misleading as to the true interview.  Trump looks bad enough, you don’t need to make up stuff.  We all need to be careful what we are viewing and believing and watching.  I’m pretty much just streaming Netflix and Hula.  I suggest Harlan Coben’s various Neflix series – The Stranger, Safe and The Five.  He’s such a good writer.

I read an article today about how they’re calling the groups we live with, in this time of sheltering-in-place, our social cohort.  We’re allowed to hang out with and even “touch” those we live with who are in our social cohort.  I do not have a social cohort.  I usually balance this with a call to friends to meet for lunch or a walk or porch visit.  Those are off now. Everyone keeps asking me if I at least have a dog. I do not. I am not allowed pets.  I am thinking of running an ad to see if there might be someone else looking for a social cohort.

How to get to know someone quick. Shelter-in-place together.

xoxox

Are you thinking it too?  Are you wondering since I’m going to be working from home, without visitors, will I move back to Florida?  Has it crossed your mind?  Interesting, it’s crossed my mind too.  Just briefly. Long enough to have me looking online at trailers in Port Orange. The immediate and logical answer is of course I’m not going to move.  My whole family is here and my friends, the ones that still like me, I have a social life here, babies (great nieces and nephews) and now of course my new grand-dog Daisy.

I got a notice today that my electricity usage for the week has increased by 46%.  That’s mostly due to my heater that I have on 12-7 (that’s 12 hours a day).  I’m sitting in my kitchen for work and it’s cold here in this room.  COLD.  I have plans to move to my upstairs quiet room where it is much brighter and warmer but I need to get set up (a desk) first.  I’m also not excited about giving up my quiet room.  That’s when I looked at this listing. 

https://www.trulia.com/property/4062182258-39-Cypress-In-The-Wood-Wood-Port-Orange-FL-32129?mid=6#lil-mediaTab

I’m not crazy about those kitchen cabinets but the desk on photo #7…well it’s like Miracle on 34^th street.  A sign when young Natalie Wood sees the cane in the corner of the house?  I’ve been asking the good Lord for signs. I have a lot of deadlines and decisions to make, as usual, and well is this a sign?  What if it’s a sign to buy now while we are sequestered and then when it’s time to go back to work up here, rent it out and keep it to have when I retire and become a snowbird.  When it’s time to go back to work in the city, then I can come back up north and rent something again up here.  I have no problems living in a trailer in Florida, but I can’t bring myself to live in a trailer in PA.  At least not in a trailer park.  Also I am looking for an “investment” and trailers are not that.  Heavy sigh.

My mind…

It’s a wonder..

I told my brother earlier today that I was going to buy an RV and park it on our 1-acre lot that we still have in Virginia and live by the creek.  I’d have to pay my siblings off though.

I have to tell my landlord in 2 weeks if I’m going to renew my lease.  When I rented this place, I never intended to stay more than a year but I am struggling with where to go.  Houses for sale are selling like crazy. I’ve put in 4 bids so far – lost them all.  All bids are going over asking. I’ve bid on one over asking.  I was $5000 over – another person I heard was $12,000 over – we both lost it. I wonder what it actually went for.  Now I’m looking further out of the city to see if I have more of a chance.  I can’t compete here in the city.  I keep moving further and further away from the city but always thinking about staying close to transportation to the city. 

And now look, we’re not going into the city for the unforeseeable future.  We’re not socializing either.  Does this open more doors? Or close them.

What’s the message Lord? I’m listening…

xoxoxo

I’m sitting here thinking what I can do to help out during these times.  I thought about posting on some media site that I would help with food for kids, or deliver meals to shut ins; although maybe Meals on Wheels is still doing that, anyway, then it hit me.  I’ll just blog.  Lol.  I mean I don’t know what kids eat.  Ya know? I only half jest. I could make pancakes and chocolate chip cookies! So maybe I’ll blog AND cook for kids.  I bet my neighbor would cook cookies too.  She is the best baker ever.

So, interesting times don’t you think?  I’m not gonna lie.  It took me awhile to grasp the severity.  In my defense, and many others like me, it’s not like we’ve ever been through anything like this in our life time.  Ya know?  We always get sick.  We’re expected to go to work when we’re sick.  Suzanne gives you dirty looks if you stay home sick.  I mean it’s an expectation in America that you just keep going to work.  So what do we care if we’re sick?  It’s just another day right?  And millions die from the flu every year right?  Okay maybe not millions, but alot? How about that statistic that I never knew until now.  We just fluff it off. We know soandso went into the hospital with a kidney stone and got pneumonia and died and we just write it off as part of getting sick.  What about all the MRSA deaths?  We should get more statistics on that shouldn’t we?  Well, I’m just saying, in our culture we just push through and think being sick is a “sissy” disease.  So I didn’t actually grasp the seriousness of the situation until someone I work with/for, who sits in an office beside me was sent home, quarantined for 14 days expected to have the thing. That’s when it hit me.  I thought well there goes visits to Diane (currently hospitalized with a broken ankle…like severely broken) and visits to mom.  And really I should probably not visit anyone knowing that he might have it and then I might have it?  It really hit me, the trickle-down effect.  Rachel’s mom has leukemia..what if I hugged Rachel?  Janice has a compromised immune system.  My neighbor had me over for dinner with 70-80 year old’s – see how bad it is?  And that doesn’t count all the people I ride the bus and subway with – all those people in the Steel Building, on the elevator, in the bathrooms.  It just made my mind spin with what could happen.  It doesn’t matter that maybe I won’t feel anything, or have symptoms, but what about Rachel’s mom?  Janice?  Those new neighbors?  My mom, Diane?  I mean it goes on and on with who we touch.  An interesting exercise in how connected we all really are.  So putting that into perspective I am happy to stay home.  I do not want to be that girl.

I’ve continued to read up on it and truly believe that if enough people have their come-to-Jesus moment and take this seriously and stay home and sing on our balconies then we will get over this. My mom said “well 1% deaths doesn’t sound bad – does it?”  Well let’s see based on 2019 statistics we have 328,239,523 in the US. 1% of that is 3,282,395.  That’s a lot of people dying JUST from the corona virus. Total number of recorded deaths in a year are about 2,813,503.  So add another 3 million on top of that.. Well it’s a lot.  And a lot all at once.  And there’s the whole stress on the healthcare industry and those that work in it.  I mean just such a snowball.

I don’t know if my numbers are text book accurate but I do think they paint a picture of the seriousness that I eventually came to terms with.  So what will I do with myself?

Luckily the last so many years (not this year but about 4 prior) I’ve been pretty much a loner.  I work and then walk on the beach…alone.  So now I work and I’ll walk on the Mount. And for big entertainment it was a night out at Walmart or sometimes Sushi.  One thing for sure, there is nothing I need to go to Walmart for.  I can have my food delivered.  I got out of the habit of going for Sushi mainly because I don’t know where to go.  I’m marinating some Ahi Tuna at this very moment though.

A few years ago (turns out quite a few) I worked from home so I’m used to that as well.  So this is just bringing up so very nice memories of those times.  Every day (the last two days) I have promised to go walking/running at lunch just to get some fresh air and see my favorite view of the city.  I haven’t done it yet, but I will!  Tomorrow is the day.

I went online today to try and find a proper computer desk as the angle of my kitchen table is giving me carpal tunnel already, but this is not a complaint, just an observation.  I found a computer desk on CraigsList.  I wonder if they’ll leave it on the curb for me to swing by and pick it up.  I can Venmo them. Right?  I mean there are workable solutions.

Jimmy has already apologized for not visiting, saying he’s staying away from me and his dad (for our benefit – yea right).  Zachary and Rachel stopped by on Saturday night, and then I sent them an apology the next day for hugging them.  It’s weird times.

The very best I see is the humanity that is coming out in most of us. Not counting the panic over toilet paper (and what’s that about?) it seems like so many people are thinking of ways to help out.  I saw a story about a restaurant giving away free food to the poor and the owner said he’ll keep doing it until we get back to normal or he goes bankrupt.  Ya know?  I mean Humanity is the best.  We really are good at our souls. We may be skeptics, but who can blame us with how often we’re lied to, we don’t know what to believe anymore, so we need to believe in ourselves.  Just like me, I was skeptical until the guy at work with a fever sneezed on me.  And I thought, oh man, I get it. (turns out he was not tested, they said he didn’t qualify – just regular sick I guess)

I don’t talk much about the company I work for.  It’s big.  It’s healthcare.  Imagine how crazy my work place is. And I don’t know the half of it since my department is construction.

Well, that’s it.  Notes from me on day 2 of our social distancing.  I’ve gone from my beautiful 60^th floor views to sitting in this dungeon of a kitchen that I have.  I’m working on moving my spot to upstairs so I can be by a window at least and look outside.  It won’t take me long at all to adapt.  That’s my super power.  Resilience. Adapting. Moving on.

What’s your super power?

xoxoxo

**Disclaimer – all health conditions mentioned above our hypothetical..except Diane really did break her ankle.

Incase you are wondering, my obsession with dinnerware/plates continues or more accurately has resurfaced. I am a possessed person.  I am having so much fun being back home and starting over.  Although, sometimes I’m pissed about all the stuff that I used to have, between my stuff and my mom’s house that now I have to rebuy, like an ironing board.  When I think about the things we left in mom’s house I just lose my mind.  She had a GREAT ironing board.  I’m glad when I stopped by her house on my way up from Florida last year with the packed Penske truck, that I at least grabbed what I did – the box of dishes we had from my childhood was all I could fit in the packed truck.  I salvaged three dinner plates from my mom’s old set, a lot of salad plates, small appetizer plates and cups and saucers!!  Nobody uses small cups like that anymore.  We are such a supersized society and only drink out of 24 oz size mugs.  Anyway anyway, so back to plates.  In Florida right before I moved (or knew I was moving) I bought dinner plates from Pier One – 4 of them – coastal themed.  Not those melamine plates mind you, the real china ones.  They were on sale (of course) and, well, I thought back then I would start rebuilding in Florida, but noooo.   Anyway, I have the plates up here and they are lovely and they are currently in a box with the rest of my summer melamine (pool) dishes in a closet. 

My first family get together after moving into my current residence when there was 4 of us, well I needed new plates didn’t I?  I am trying to remember why I didn’t think those coastal beachy plates were good enough.  Because at the time there were only 4 of us – and I have glasses to match – oh wait I remember, there are FIVE of us.  That’s right – that’s why I needed to buy more dishes.  Jimmy now has a lovely girlfriend and so there are now five of us.  That’s when I ended up at Walmart and decided to go for the shabby chic look with their Pioneer Woman design and got six plates and none of them match, but they are the same designer, so you know kinda the same.  I had visions of us all claiming our dish and then always using that one.  Wouldn’t you know the next time everyone is over isn’t until Thanksgiving.  Could I use the same plates?  Of course not!  It’s a holiday.  I need holiday plates.  Guess who had a sale on plates? Wayfair. Their ads that pop up on every blessed site I look at are very effective and I’m weak and I bought 6 orange (excuse me, pumpkin color) plates for Thanksgiving.  I thought well this is perfect.  They are a fall color and I can use them all fall.  I had a very lovely Thanksgiving table although I didn’t like my placemats this year, so I was also looking at new placemats today for next year.  But then decided I have a year to get new ones. I have showed great restraint by waiting.

My next rebuilding involves Christmas dishes.  Last year Donna Cooper asked me about all my dishes.  I had to remind her they are all gone.  But sad as that is…how fun is it now?  Fun and expensive but holy moly I get lost in a rabbit hole looking at patterns.

Back in the day I had everyday Christmas plates that were a wedding gift from my mom in 1982.  I used them as my everyday plates every year.  They are now gone. It makes me sad as they were really good every day plates and probably the start of my plate obsession.   I also had a very nice china set that I collected over many years and would display in my china cabinet and actually used a few times and I had almost every piece to match it.  They were very pretty.  They are gone now.  Collecting all of those pieces was a labor of love and patience.  Gone. 

I also have a set of plates that I ONLY use on Christmas morning.  The idea at the time was they were from Santa and so to make them special I only use them on Christmas morning.  I have placemats and napkin holders and napkins that I use with that set. When the kids were little they just loved coming down Christmas morning and seeing that table set with those dishes (mostly the napkin holders)  And guess what?  I still have them!!  I know, right?  Of all the things I have lugged around the country I managed to hang on to them and there are 8 plates!!  Now we can all have a plus 1 and invite two more.  Although we’ve been having Christmas morning at Zach and Rachel’s the past couple of years I think it’s time for me to resume my official duties as matriarch and Christmas morning hostess of the family.

Well anyway, I am now lusting after an everyday Christmas plate set.  Yes of course I could use the Pioneer Woman plates (although I think they have a much more springy and summer feel) or maybe I could use the pumpkin color plates that I bought for Thanksgiving and pair them with red/cranberry placemats – throw in some green and well that just still sounds like Thanksgiving doesn’t it? And no I am not using the Christmas morning plates because they are Christmas morning plates!  You see why I need these new everyday Christmas plates don’t you?  Meanwhile, only Jimmy and Emily come for dinners every once in awhile and I always use my mom’s 3 plates that I rescued from Opus BUT if I had every day Christmas plates I’d use them right?  Or, if I buy these 8 dinner plates (planning for plus 3 in the future) would I then want to save those plates for only a dinner with us all?  Which may or may not ever happen because I think I’m only relegated to the Christmas breakfast and I have those dishes already.  Getting everyone together TWICE in a season may be a little too much to expect.  I could have friends and other family members over and then use the new dinner plates.  That might be a good excuse to have a get together, although not more than 8 at a time.  But, do I also need a new fancy-pants china set too?  In addition to everyday Christmas dishes?  I could have Christmas Teas again but that would involve a heck of a lot of more dishes and a bigger house. And me moving back to Sewickley area because no one is going to make the trip into the city.  Unless I provided shuttle service.  Otherwise I have to make all new friends up on that mount (Mount Washington) and well I would love to see my old friends again, at my house, with my dishes at Christmas time.  But new friends are nice too!

You see this problem don’t you? It starts with dishes and then I realize I need a bigger house so I can invite friends over to use the dishes.  Not to mention storing the dishes in closets that I don’t currently have. So I go from looking at dishes to looking at houses.  Then I can’t decide do I want to stay on Mount Washington where the kids will stop by on occasion because it’s convenient and also I do love it here?  OR do I need to move back home-ish so I can have Christmas Teas again?  And buy MORE dishes? But wouldn’t it be great to have a great big farmhouse country home? Like the featured photo at the top of this blog? Where all the dishes would look so perfect?  This is how it starts, the dreaming, the living in my head.  It starts with dishes.

At one point in my life I remember collecting a lot of broken plates. I was going to make some sort of mosaic tabletop with them so we could always remember the different dishes but dishes are curved and don’t lay flat and I couldn’t figure out how to make something that wouldn’t cut our wrists everytime we sat down. Honestly I’m just not that crafty.  Instead of looking through Wayfair and Pier One (and then Trulia and Zillow) lusting after new dishes and new homes maybe I should be looking at craft sites instead.

Perhaps it will be added to my legacy and on my tombstone, next to what the kids say they’re going to put “known for her chocolate chip cookies…they were o.k.” (that was Zach’s comical addition) but next to that they can say.. she had a lot of dishes.

PS – my new everyday Christmas dishes will be arriving December 12. Thank you Wayfair, you have just what I need.

xoxox

Dear Florida,

I think about you everyday.  And I think about writing to you everyday, but everyday goes by and I don’t get around to it.  Today, I am going to try and stay with this update.  The trouble is, I have settled into my new/old surroundings.  My family, my friends, my new home, my job are all so new and familiar and my routines of work and home and family and friends keeps me way busy and when I have time off I’m usually just comatose watching TV.  So I apologize for my lack of communication and how it must feel that I’ve abandoned you, without a thought to our time together.  I have not forgotten you.  As I said I think about you everyday.

Where to begin, I am much happier to be back than I thought I would ever be.  All of the elements of life that I was missing in Florida are here. I’m finally feeling settled.  Although I liked all of my residences during my time with you I never really felt settled.  NOW I feel settled. Although I don’t see myself living in this particular house more than a year I know that I am settled in this area and not going to make any knee jerk moves abandoning my family and friends again.  I mean that said, I am all for visiting you and staying for any amount of time but I will never move my permanent residence again. At least I don’t plan on it.  I know I felt a little like a failure when I made the decision to return here but Arthur had a good point.  I wanted to move to Florida for many years, feeling like I was missing something.  Ya know, it’s because I moved too soon back in 1980 when I moved back to Sewickley from Coconut Grove.  I wasn’t ready to move back then and ever since then I felt like there was unfinished business between me and Florida.  And I finally got to return.  Not to south Florida but Florida none the less.  And I had a good go of it. I was able to live in several different areas, meet lots of different people.  I became a writer, a Reiki hospice volunteer, a Gulf sea floater, I made a glass mirror with my glass artist friend, I babysat turtle nests, I helped Tim change his trach, I lived in the woods with my mom for 6 months (that’s another book/letter), put on 20 lbs and became a big beach walker.  I enjoyed the weather everyday, and became friends with little lizards.  I did it.  I lived in Florida, BUT now I’m back.  I got it out of my system and I no longer feel like I’m missing anything.  Although I was always happy with the weather and friends it never felt like home.

Now, I finally feel like I’m home.  I love my neighbors, I love my commute, I see the city everyday with a fresh view in the morning and several views throughout the day from the 60^th floor.  Not everyone gets that experience.  It is really special and I am grateful everyday. I see my kids enough, get to help my son entertain his new puppy so he can get his chores done (just like a grandma), I am participating in life.  Lots of social events, dinner, plays, a magic show! A wedding and there is now some traveling in my future.  Nothing major, no European trips yet, but can they be far behind?

So how are you doing?  I’m reading some crazy “Florida Man” stuff all the time. Central Florida especially seems to have “too weird to be true” stories.  But other stories that are worrisome are more sharks, more brain eating ameba, and then the hurricane scares.  Of course the north has their share of snow storms which can be just as crippling as hurricanes in stopping business but they are no where near as destructive.  Speaking of snow storms, I’m still not prepared.  I ordered a pair of snow boots from Amazon but I had to return them. They weren’t perfect.  I need to get this taken care of before December.

I’ve been thinking about buying a Lake House.  You know as much as I can “buy” anything, but that’s what I’m dreaming about these days.  I know I could actually buy a Florida condo but I think a Lake/Country house is really what would make me happy. In particular these certain Lake Houses have beautiful sunsets – that is another thing I brought with me from Florida – my love of sunsets.  Soon I’ll be seeing stunning sunrises over the city on my way to work (with the time change) but it’s sunsets that are close to my heart. 

There’s some misnomers that people always think about when they think of Florida.  Bugs being of particular concern.  While it is true that Palmetto bugs can be very offputting (and large) I have more bugs here in my Pittsburgh home than I ever had in Florida.  I am inundated with fruit flies.  They are in every room of my house – not just the kitchen.  I’ve had centipedes, grass hoppers, crickets and today I saw a stink bug.  Centipedes are funny. I had one that was crossing the floor and when it saw me coming it froze, as if he thought if he stayed still I wouldn’t see him.  I had bees living in the wall and had to pay big bucks to have them removed.  I may have over reacted but I was afraid they would get inside the house.  They were yellow jackets, not honey bees, so I didn’t hurt the environment.  Then there are animals, possums, raccoons, deer (although I like them) all on my deck.  In Florida I only remember cats – and lots of them – in DeLand.  Of course I would never want to ever go in standing water because of alligators.  Ever.  I guess that’s why my interest in a Lake House might be surprising but Lakes in Pennsylvania do not have alligators.  At least not yet.  There were 3 alligators caught in Pittsburgh this summer.  That is very unsettling.

I like the cool weather a lot more than I used to.  I don’t think I was having hot flashes when I left Pittsburgh before so that might be helping me appreciate the cooler weather.  I still love the heat but I don’t dread the chill in the air like I might have once.  Actually I like the 50 degree mornings.  I just need to dress better for the afternoon chill.  I will figure this out. 

I have warm-up trips planned to get me through some of the cold months.  California next month and then Florida in January for a wedding. I’ll visit my Stetson friends at that time, if there are any friends left.

Next week I start hospice volunteering again.  They use Reiki volunteers here too so I am looking forward to incorporating that back into my life.

And that leaves writing.  Both Reiki and Writing are my two biggest takeaways from my time with you.  While I will be getting back to Reiki I have yet to find a way to continue writing.  But I will figure it out.  All of this takes time.

Oh and Arthur?  He said had I never gone back to Florida and had that experience I would never feel as settled being back as I do now.  All those years missing Florida, after 1980, and I can finally be happy.  So no failure there.  It is actually a huge win.  Isn’t that something?  Isn’t that Arthur something?

I still have trouble processing all the coming and goings and people that I meet and then leave.  And my love of some of my places where I lived.  The Winn-Dixie in Palm Harbor – I loved looking at the sunsets from the parking lot.  Isn’t that weird?  But a memory that has stuck with me.  A lot of Palm Harbor memories.  A lot of Treasure Island memories too.  DeLand I could take or leave (and leave I did).  I wish I was happier about leaving those Gulf side homes as well.  Well I have my yearly trip to Siesta Key still, I’ll just have to incorporate a ride up the coast every year for some Fireside Pizza.

But for now, I have to figure out what to wear tomorrow.  Today was 90 degrees and tomorrow is going to be 70.  I don’t know what to wear.  Is it long sleeve weather?  Today was so hot.  I did my “gardening” which consisted of dumping out my dead summer plants (in pots), replanting in the ground my summer plants that are still living and struggling to live, buying some mums, and anyway I was soaked through from sweat.  Soaked.through. Now tomorrow it’s long sleeves?  Do I put my summer clothes away?  Next week it might be back up into the 80’s.  I’m not gonna lie.  I still love the hot weather. I just need the closet space.

Don’t be mad that I haven’t written sooner. I’ve been getting settled.  It’s taking longer than I thought but it’s all been good.  Thank you again for all of your help these past years. I do think about you every day and I hope we can keep in touch.  I will always have a piece of you in my heart.

Love,

Lynn