My gift to humanity

I have been reminded recently that I have a duty to my friends and society at large.  I’m doing some spring cleaning, looking at past cards and looking at a card I got last week from Stephanie and well it’s apparently my duty to be the first one amongst my group to be courageous and take leaps of faith.  This is not to say that my leaps always turn out successful, or in retrospect wise, but that said, my life is filled with good stories, laughs, and only a few WTF years.  I mean out of 60+ years to have only a couple WTF years is not bad.  I guess when we’re going through the WTF years they feel more devastating but looking back it’s mostly remembering that it wasn’t so bad and often much better than we thought.  Kind of like taking a photo of yourself.  I think we all mostly hate a photo of our self the instant we see it.  Then a couple years later when we’re cleaning out stuff we see that photo and think “I look good here” – “I wish I was this fat again” – Why is that?  Seriously, why do we hate ourselves in the moment but then when we look back think we look good? There’s some message in there. Some life lesson.  And I guess that’s a little like taking these leaps that I do. And once in awhile someone takes a photo and you think “wow I look good.”  This leap I am currently taking feels like that.  Like “wow, this is good” – every bone in my body and in my aura (except there are no bones in my aura, but you get where I’m coming from) anyway, everything feels right about this leap.  What am I referring to? 

Retirement.

I know a lot, a few, maybe nobody, is cringing.  You should have heard my financial guy.  First of all, I can’t even believe those words are coming out of my mouth.  Financial guy. I have been basically what most would consider poor my entire life.  Paycheck to paycheck at the BEST of times.  I never thought I made enough money to save.  It was only me all those years.  I had to pay my mortgage, my car, and get to work and had (still have) two kids!  One time (at least once) I had to call off of work because I didn’t have gas money to get to work.  That’s how pathetic my life was.  But only pathetic financially.  And the one day that I’m remembering that I called off because of gas money I sat on the computer and figured out how to start a blog. (and JaNel read it! My first reader) I remember that day.  And look at that.  A wasted day?  I would say not!

Anyhoo, Financial Guy, well thanks to my mother, no, thanks to my Grandfather, no thanks to my relatives that came over on the Mayflower and who were here since Jamestown, we (and I mean my mom) had that beautiful house that when she sold it she shared generously with her kids and I now have a financial guy. I was never able to do that with work.  Just with mom.  God bless her soul in so many ways.

So, my Financial Guy, CRINGED when I told him I was retiring now.  He’s like wait, you have nothing.  And I said LOOK, you can’t look at me through a financial lens. I will NEVER have financial wealth by working at an 8-5 job that you guys hope for.  No, I will need to make my millions some other way.  And it’s not going to be at this office job.  And the longer I stay at this office job the more I am away from any dream of personal success.  So just sit back, shut up, and let me figure this out. Let me take the leap and see what happens.  Because one thing I am positive about, nothing is going to happen if I don’t leap.

I follow a lot of spiritual based people like Mike Dooley and Sara Landon.  Sara’s messages are full of “you are the master of your universe, you create your happiness, blah blah.”  Not that I don’t like the blah blah, and I love Sara Landon’s back story and how she got to where she is, but Mike Dooley’s message is take action.  So combining the two messages, you are your own creator and take action, has helped me to get to this moment. I believe I can do something else, but I have to do the work. Not exactly sure what that will be, but as soon as this last week is over (last work day is April 15) I will have at least a moment to think about it.  I can’t tell you how exhausting this job has been.  A couple months ago I described it as soul crushing.  I mean it’s just a job and not really a hard job.  But when your soul is telling you it’s time for something else and you feel this push and my soul is saying, come on, let’s go, well those work tasks that are so stupid and menial have to go.  My life comes first and I just know I am so much more than this.  And thanks to Franklin D. Roosevelt and his idea of social security and those 43 years of working soul crushing jobs (no seriously there were some fun times) I can take this leap. Also a part time job at Aldi’s will help as well 😉

So that’s something you readers have to look forward to.  MORE blogs.  I miss writing.  I miss keeping up with this blog. Maybe there’s a book in me somewhere. Maybe in retirement, like in finally florida, you can all watch me emerge like the phoenix rising, or crash and burn.  But either way it’ll be a good read.

xoxox