I’m kinda stuck today. Last week I stayed at my sister’s house while she was out of town to take care of mom. Mom doesn’t need 24-hour care, but she does need someone to bring her food throughout the day. And with my sister gone I needed to stay overnight just of in case. You know my mom’s blind. Or if you don’t know, mom is blind. Although I am VERY set in my ways and I am unhappy when I’m not in my own home, it actually proved to be a lovely week. I was able to cater a bit more to my mom, because I’m retired, don’t you know, so there wasn’t any stress that I had to hurry up and feed her to check emails and do something stupid for someone else. So she enjoyed the attention and pace. Mostly I fed her all morning; feed, dishes, feed, dishes, feed. And then in the afternoon she’s good. She’s grazes in the morning and then the afternoons are pretty free for whatever. One day I went on a hike with friends. The next day I went to lunch with those same friends. One day I went shopping and out to lunch with my niece(s), two of those days I came home to the apartment to get clean underwear (TMI?) and check mail and just look around the apartment. I was grateful to spend the time with mom, grateful to be able to walk around my home town. I could not believe how many old friends and acquaintances I saw at the grocery stores and got to catch up with. It sort of felt like I was visiting from out of town. Well, I guess because I AM visiting from out of town, but that out of town is only 20 minutes away. Anyway, it was a lovely week and it never left my immediate gratitude that I am RETIRED and able to spend the time needed, and enjoy the time needed, with my mom and in my home town.
But now I’m home. Mom did ask “what are you going to do this weekend when you get home?” – and I was like “nothing, I guess. Just get reacquainted with my home?” I have such a routine now, when I’m home, and it all went out the window while watching mom. No morning yoga. No morning meditation. No morning readings and journaling. It was just coffee, toast, dishes, breakfast, dishes, snacks. I mean every morning. Although at least two of the afternoons I did write a little for a new book idea. It wasn’t a total lost week.
ANYWAYYYY, first of all, I didn’t get to sleep last night until after 5 am today. Why? Well could be the caffeine in the afternoon Diet Coke. Could be the caffeine in the chocolate covered pretzels. It wasn’t stress so it’s gotta be caffeine. So I slept through most of the morning. BUT my daily routine can start anytime. I did some yoga, Wordle, checked personal emails, my bank balance, then walked around the city doing a couple errands, pissed off that I forgot my CVS card allowing me 40% off a product and asking god why my rewards card is not tied to my phone number. But after that little kerfuffle I came home to my wide open day of what to do next. I decided to do a little Oracle card reading for myself, just incase the message was to prepare for lottery winnings, then I journaled a little, then I made the mistake of looking at Facebook.
This whole reversal of Roe v. Wade has me coming out, so to speak. I am sooo upset about the state of affairs in so many ways. Posts on Facebook are sayings about the Handmaid’s Tale, about setting our clocks back 50 years, about women taking a knee during national anthems and they are all so good but also all so horribly sad. I guess being sad doesn’t help but it has struck me to my core. I am NOT Pro-abortion. As a matter of fact, in highschool I did a senior presentation in my English class (with Shirley Stevens, god rest her soul) on anti-abortion. My slide show was to the Seals and Croft song “Unborn Child”. It isn’t (and wasn’t) that I’m against abortion, most of my friends, like 90% of my friends at the time, had abortions. I didn’t, if you must know. And I didn’t and don’t judge them. But what I felt bad about at the time, and still do, is the fact that these friends, and women in general, are put in a situation or a decision where they feel that they have to make that decision. It breaks my heart for them. I was very close to that decision at one point in my life and I CHOSE not to do it. And I’m thankful I was able to and had the mindset to choose. There are many people that choose NOT to have an abortion. It’s just it’s “our” choice and no matter what you choose you have to live with the consequences, good and bad. As does that child who also has to live with the consequences. Many that chose NOT to have an abortion do not have an easy time, struggling financially, emotionally and often physically. Imagine choosing to have your child and then not being able to afford to feed them, or clothe them, or have to work 17 jobs and not be home with them and then they are neglected or abandoned or worse. I mean it ain’t easy. And then there are those that chose to have an abortion and they too have to live with those consequences. Often of guilt, or sadness deep in their heart. I mean it’s us, the one’s carrying the child, and ultimately taking care of that child, that have to live with the choices. OUR choice. It’s nobody else’s right to make that choice for us.
And where is the dad in all of these decisions? Where is their responsibility? In many circumstances the dads are the one’s saying “get an abortion” in the first place. They sure don’t want the responsibility (sometimes…not all the time of course). Some/many dads in these types of situations with a surprise pregnancy do not want the burden of a child emotionally or financially. They can just walk away from it all. Does anyone EVER enforce child support? Is it ever enough? And what kind of psychological effect does that type of relationship have on a child? The parents always fighting. Parents going to court. A kid thinking his dad’s (or mom’s) love is tied to child support. I mean we weaponize everything in the name of children. They are the victims.
Then there is the matter of religion and bending your religious belief to fit the circumstances. It is amazing how people bend the constitution and religion to fit their definition of right and wrong. If God wanted you to have the choice of having a child YOU would be pregnant. I mean in religious terms/thinking, God granted women the gift, and the curse, of child bearing. I would “think” God understands that women have the sense and the burden of deciding what is best for their body, their circumstances and THEIR own child. Noone else has the right OR God would have made babies grow on trees. Not in women. But apparently the regular lay person can interpret right and wrong better than God can. God just must have made a mistake in this design. Doctor’s detect a heartbeat but how many people in hospitals are unplugged from breathing machines because they can’t live on their own without a machine? Their heart is beating? In the womb the heart is beating, is there a soul yet? Is there a soul in the person whose machine you just unplugged? What about the soul of the person you just shot with your automatic rifle that you are allowed to own and carry in public?
ON THE OTHER HAND, If the supreme court says that it’s not a government’s decision to decide abortion I do not disagree with that, so then why is it passed to a state’s government? GOVERNMENT should not be in the equation at all. That I do agree with. It is an individual choice. Not the government’s choice. So that does make sense to me. But passing it to another government is pretty convoluted right? Shouldn’t it be NO government’s decision. I don’t know, someone, anyone, help me out here.
No don’t.
I just thought, since I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my Saturday I would blog and so I did and this is what came out of my head. It didn’t get political, because abortion is not a political issue. It is a personal issue and one that is, at this moment, an issue pissing me off, to the point where I just decided to make my position known. I think it’s called venting. Now what I’ll do about it, other then venting on the page, is yet to be seen. I think the next fight is to have it dropped from the State’s politics as well. Just drop it from politics altogether. THAT is a decision I can get behind. I mean if the courts think it doesn’t belong in the government, then it doesn’t belong in ANY government. Am I right?
Crazy stupid politicians, Putin, war, people shooting in crowds and at each other, inflation (WORLDWIDE inflation for those of you Biden haters) – I mean how crazy is this world? It’s like our U.S. government says “SURE carry a gun and shoot someone if they have a can of soda in their pocket, especially shoot them 100 times with your automatic weapon because that makes sense. And then when you find out it was a Mountain Dew in their pocket and not a gun, well that’s okay because you THOUGHT it could be a gun. Oh and those bystanders that got shot? Well wrong place apparently. Go ahead, get another gun because really you may need that someday for the next person that you’re sure is out to get you. Because anyone needing an automatic weapon for protection against all these people coming for them doesn’t have mental illness. Thinking people are out to get you has never been a sign of mental illness. Anyone that wants an automatic weapon for protection is COMPLETELY sane. Your gun rights come before anyone else’s rights. You go ahead and buy that gun in the event you need to shoot some kids.”
Oh you’re a woman? Yea, no. You don’t have the right to SAVE your life, or prevent unwanted life for ANY reason (health of mother or child) There’s only the right to shoot the kids after they are born.
And my Oracle reading? Didn’t mention the lottery at all. Maybe the God’s are not that concerned with me and my lottery winnings and are off on another mission; hopefully saving us from ourselves, because we are doing a VERY poor job on our own.
I think I’ll do some laundry now.
#VOTE
xoxoxo