I took this afternoon off from work for my last flex day and decided other than laundry I would work on my book, i.e. do some more editing, do some research on agents, you know, keep my foot in the door. And what have I done so far? Met Krystal for lunch, walked a small bit around town, came back home, put in a load of laundry, fell asleep. I KNOW! I’m useless. I mean not totally useless but it’s that combination of heat, a rather large lunch, too much caffeine and a really sweet dessert (we split it and still left half of it) anyway, out I went. And the day, work day anyway, is over. I feel like I wasted a perfectly good day (actually half day) off. But maybe it just went too fast – not really wasted. Just aren’t enough hours in the day to get what you want to get done AND nap.
I also don’t understand this wash machine. If I put it on regular it shows that it takes 1 hour and 33 minutes to wash. That’s a really long time isn’t it? But if I put it on quick wash it’ll wash for like 26 minutes. That’s a big difference isn’t it? I mean which do you choose? Should everything be quick wash? What about sheets and towels? Don’t you think those should go longer? Is that regular wash only for farmers and muddy jeans? I don’t have a lot to wash but still and hour and a half is a long time for a wash. I don’t know how these new-fangled machines work. But anyway, Wednesday wash day It’s who I am.
So work, which is going fine thanks, they kicked us out of our building/house because they are exterminating termites. I am assuming they are going to tent the whole house. If you have never seen a whole house with a tent on it, it is an amazing sight to see. They have tented several of the buildings on campus earlier this summer. I took pictures to put on the blog but of course can’t find them now. The house across the street from me right now is being tented. See?
Well anyway, we had to remove all food items and just normal stuff you don’t want to get pesticides on or in. In my office I had to pack up the Keurig, all the coffee pods, creamers, etc., emptied out food items from desk drawers and packed up a big garbage full of Tupperware bowls. I do not know why we have those Tupperware bowls so I can only assume that they will be used for food at some point and I don’t want to poison the faculty….not yet anyway. Here’s the kicker though. We had to pack all this stuff up ourselves, which is fine, but then move it ourselves. Ya know? Where is Maintenance I say? Do they not know the workers comp nightmare they are exposing themselves to? I am not a mover!!! Apparently they are clueless as to my Baroness self and I found myself dragging bins down two flights of stairs. And, AND we are supposed to figure out where to store them. So poor Joan (President’s secretary) is loading up some truck – personal truck with like a whole hallway full of stuff. And as we all know I can not fit bins in my car. So what happens in this circumstance? Do I get written up in HR cause I don’t have the proper vehicle for storage? Luckily, a colleague who has an SUV offered to keep them in her car for the weekend. I put the garbage bag full of Tupperware in my back seat. Who knew that I had to buy a vehicle for this type of activity as part of my job. The job posting should include: must be willing to haul. Maintenance did come and gather some of the $50,000 oil paintings we have on display…it is the President’s office…but did they help carry a bin? No. One time when I first started at Stetson I called Maintenance to move a bookshelf. It was April I think. They said they were done with moves for the year. LOL. I laughed out loud. They were serious.
I asked Krystal to drive me to the office building (I walked to meet her for lunch) so I could take a picture of it being tented to put on the blog but they don’t have the tent up. Here’s some pictures anyway.
Then:
Oct. 13, 1884- DeLand Hall (pictured) opens. The original cost of the building was $4,000. The first academic building at the DeLand campus, DeLand Hall today is the oldest building in Florida in continuous use for higher education. (History of Stetson.edu)
Now:
DeLand Hall today (or yesterday) – there’s Annette carrying out a plant in preparation
Oh and get this, I was telling Krystal today how I need to plan a trip to my mom’s to get some of my winter stuff and she said, yea it doesn’t get too cold, maybe like high 20’s and 30’s, and you have to scrape your windshield once in a while. WHAT? I say, WHAT? WHAT? This is not why I live in Florida. One more reason not to get tooo comfortable living here in DeLand. I thought Tampa was too cold and that was in the 40’s. I kept saying when I lived there that I had to move south. I’m in trouble. More reason to work on that book and keep shopping it out there. Perhaps I will make it back to south Florida one day like I always imagined.
Other than that I’m getting a little more used to living here, not feeling totally committed yet but not minding the adventure at all. I finally found, and went to, a yoga class, one block from my house and I loved it. So if I can get myself there every week that will be a good thing. I’ve gone swimming twice at the Y. Laps before work. Trying to see if that’s something I can keep up. I just have to get there before 8 am otherwise it gets very crowded (oh and I’m late for work.) I’m on a free trial right now so we’ll see if I feel inspired to continue that.
I think it’s been sunny for about 3 days now. That’s a welcome break from these Florida rains.
What else…well I guess that’s about it then. It’s almost time to go get the laundry. Has it really been an hour already? That can’t be right. I’ll go back and check it I guess.
this is a little sitting area back by where the washer and dryer are. isn’t it cute? Can you tell how big those bamboo shoots are?An old lady was walking by and I asked her to put her hand on the bamboo so you could get perspective. She was about 90 years old by the look of that hand.
My friend Lori died last week. Friday I believe. I sent her a text Thursday night sharing how disgusted I am with myself, not fitting into my clothes and then apologized for my self involved comments and asked her what was the latest with her, how is she feeling, what’s going on? I commented to my friend Janice the next day that she hadn’t responded and I wondered if I was just so insensitive with my own “fat” comments. Janice reminded me that I should understand the dying process from my hospice work which I shared with her that I absolutely did not remember that part of my training. Like a lot of life’s lessons I had no frame of reference, until now.
In my hospice volunteer role I would enter someone’s life at the very end. A few of my patient’s (makes me sound like a doctor) were quite alert when I met them (still surprising me when they died even though I KNEW what being in hospice meant) but the majority of patients I visited were moments away from dying. Mostly unconscious or very near there. Sure there were conversations with the alert ones, many times, most times, talking about their families but I was there at the end, I was in the circle at the end. Janice reminded me that a person’s world, as they are actively dying, becomes like a funnel with the circle of friends large at first and nearer the end it gets smaller and smaller until, well, until it’s over.
I was in Lori’s near-to-the-end funnel circle. We didn’t know it was near the end at the time. Sure I had my suspicions but early on I was totally sure, as was she, that she would beat this whole cancer thing. She had been on top of it for awhile and had lived with the C word, unaffected, for apparently years…off and on. We did talk about our fears about dying – but you know, we were friends from college. When you’re in college you talk about everything. I told her it must be all those drunken nights sleeping in each other’s rooms. Freshman year, when you leave home for the first time and then thrown into this scenario with like 12 other girls and it’s like a slumber party EVERY night; how can you avoid bonding…well other than my roommate who moved out cause she hated me. (It’s a long story)
Anyway, Lori and I talked about lots of stuff and at that point, in Richmond, all we had was each other as far as friend’s go. She had moved there from Texas leaving a hoard of friends behind to be near her daughter and grandson…I had moved from Pittsburgh, via Palm Harbor, leaving friends and family behind. We had each other. Old friends, renewed, not missing a beat from our slumber party conversations. I have realized she was put in my path to help me through a difficult time. That’s how much of a God-send she was to me at that point in my life.
Shortly after Christmas, we met for lunch, and the way she suggested the lunch I knew something was up. We talked about everything that day, except what she wanted to tell me. But after we got through our different stories over our dogs dying, sobbing over that, I said “well, what’s up?” I didn’t really want to know because I already thought I knew, but of course I did want to know. It was after we were exhausted crying over the dogs, she told me the cancer had moved to her liver. I remember just staring…with this like WTF look on my face. At that point I reminded her that she was my ONLY friend in that area and if she liked me at all she would beat this for my sake. We laughed, but I wasn’t kidding. Well, you know…I was…kidding…sort of.
I’ve had other friends with cancer, actually the number has been growing since my first friend shared her diagnosis with me 12 (or 13) years ago. Every one of my close friends who have had that diagnosis is still living. Until now.
After Christmas Lori got busy with various doctors appointments, got sicker with treatment, and just started feeling bad. At no time did she ever give me the impression that she was giving up or thought it was unbeatable, it was just a matter of time until the doctors figured it out. They promised her. Maybe they didn’t promise her but that’s how I remember it.
By the time I had gotten the job offer in Florida she had already started withdrawing, pulling away. She really didn’t want to talk about it I’m sure because she wasn’t getting better. It wasn’t in her nature to be negative so I can understand her not wanting to talk about it because also that might be admitting it. I really don’t know, I’m just making excuses to make myself feel better. It could have been she just hated me and didn’t want to see me anymore. But I jest, we did spend two very nice days together before I left and both wished for more time.
I felt guilty about leaving her, but she had already started to withdraw and I didn’t feel like I had an employment choice and well we had planned on her getting better. Once I got here we talked about when she would visit and places we would go to. My last text from her was May 25.
She had promised she would fill me in with all the details but never did so when I sent the text on Thursday complaining about my weight and wondering what’s up with her, as if we talked yesterday, I figured maybe I’d finally get a response out of her. But she died…the next day. Guess she didn’t have a chance to answer my text.
I am sad. I am very very sad. And kinda mad. I’m a little mad that we reconnected so close to the end of her life and that I got to be so close to her, making it so hard now. And I’m sad/mad that I didn’t make the smaller funnel area of the end. She had a best friend that came and stayed with her nearer the end. It was that friend that got to share those last moments with her. I understand now why people say it’s an honor. I will never take that part I play in hospice for granted again.
Even though I’m not doing hospice work at the moment this experience is really going to add to my understanding of the dying experience. It also puts a bigger picture on the “friend” experience. I mean really, don’t you think about friends that come and go in your life? And friends that come and go and come again? Facebook helps with that. Actually it was Facebook where Lori saw me posting pictures from my mom’s in Richmond that brought us back together. (Facebook does have some good qualities) And as for Lori and I, after 35 years (but who’s counting) we picked up where we left off, if only for a very short time. But for both of us, for very different reasons, very very important times in our lives.
I am honored to have been there near the end, even though for awhile we didn’t know it was the end. I know I left Richmond, and her life, when I was supposed to. I know why she wasn’t texting..sort of…I wanted to be that end of life person for her but that wasn’t my role. But I did have a role. And she had a role in mine. We all have roles to play and then we move on. Some moving on are more permanent apparently.
Lori is my first close friend that has died. Sure there was my dad, and Richard (he was like family) and I know I’m forgetting to mention others, but I have always been afraid of the day I would lose a close friend. And now that day has come. One good thing I think about is I finally have a good friend over there who I totally expect to be there to greet me. Not that I expect to go anytime soon, but her being there somehow makes it less daunting for when it does finally happen for me. She’s paved the way. She was such a good friend to me here I fully expect her to be a very good friend when I get there. And I do totally believe in a there.
Until then I say prayers that she is adjusting well, that she has run into some old friends, that she is out of pain and that she knows that she can still be with her family from the other side.
But as for her earthly time, here in the 3rd dimension…. her watch has ended*. A life well lived and loved for sure.
I am old. I am one of those women that can’t seem to dress properly anymore. I ALWAYS have a bra strap showing. What is up with that? Granted these summer sleeveless cuts (which I probably shouldn’t be wearing in the first place)..well they are cut in or out – so sometimes I wear one of those racerback bras so the straps don’t show on my shoulders so when I wear that particular bra, the straps end up around my neck so they show anyway, just not on my shoulders. Then I have a top where the neck is loose so ends up falling on my shoulders – probably cute with a smaller bra that doesn’t cut into your shoulders because your boobs are hanging down to your knees cutting that bra strap with deep grooves into your shoulders. I have changed no less than three times at certain times because I can’t figure out the bra thing. Today I was running a few minutes behind (literally minutes) so I knew this top didn’t need a racerback (wrong) but at the very least I recently bought a dark black (or blue – who the hell can tell anymore) and I should have worn that dark color one because the top was dark but no – I wore the tan color that showed all day long, because why? I’m old and can’t dress myself anymore.
Let’s see, other than new bras, I have a couple of other new things:
a new little kitchen table:
Isn’t it kinda cute? It’s actually a patio set so when/if I ever get a real place it’ll go right out on the porch. I already had my first dinner guest. Julia came for dinner last week. I made my white chicken chili (most of you have had it at some Bunko or other gathering) anyway, it was a hit. The downside is there no other place to sit so we couldn’t like retire to the sitting room, smoking lounge or lanai. It’s plastic chairs for the duration. But how cute right?
a new dresser
still deciding what to put on the top.
I settled on another antique. This is cherry wood – in near perfect shape (I found a crack in one of the drawers last night). It actually kinda matches the dining piece (remember broken marble piece?) but anyway I love it. I really vacillated between this and those painted shabby chic dressers and well this is what I chose. I think I might need to buff the thing though. The owner told me he put some paste on it because he didn’t have a chance to do that when it was in the shop, he told me this as he was moving it into my apt.. But when I sort of yelled, incredulously, “I have to buff it now?” he said no no…and then mumbled something. I didn’t really yell. I don’t yell, but I know sometimes my voice is a little firmer than other times. Well anyway, I’ll check with Lisa Devlin, she’s the expert on this stuff and if I have to buy a Walmart buffer well then so be it. It’ll be a nice little project for me and then it’ll be beautiful. It is a little dark in there though.
new curtains.
and new glasses
I just got them today. Basically I need to take them off to see up close. Why did I get them though? Because I needed an updated prescription to help me see up close. Do they work the way they are supposed to? NO! Am I happy? NO! Did I raise my voice? Well, maybe a little. What I said was “why am I paying $300 if I can’t see out of them?” – she told me to give them a week. I can see really good at a distance. They are great but what I really wanted was something to help me see closer. My work friend, Kathy, thinks my eyes will adjust. I will admit I was adjusting a little already at the end of the day. But at this particular moment they are off of my face so I can see this computer screen. But cute aren’t they? I have had my other glasses I swear 10 years. It is amazing how much better the distance vision is. Like a whole new world.
OH and my car is back to being a Florida car. I think it’s happy about it. Virginia plates are very pretty, especially the cardinal one that I have, but I feel much more like a resident again. I should have gotten a new plate instead of reusing my old one – you know like starting ALL over – but I think I saved $300 by using the old one. I’ll suffer through the memories 🙂
Let’s see what else….I’m assimilating. The new furniture makes me feel a little more settled – still am sleeping with all my boxes as I have a little PTSD about parting with them (and never seeing them again) but my plan is to “hobo” decorate. Find a piece of wood to level out the tops, throw a cute piece of some kind of material over it and voilà – a table or three. (I have a few bins yet) – well anyway, it’s a process and I’m doing great. I really love having my own place again. I was visiting over at the beach this past weekend (St. Pete, Treasure Island, Pass-a-Grille area) and I thought I’d be sad about returning but as I got off that exit I had a big smile looking forward to coming home to my little place. I may have also been smiling because I survived that crazy drive. It was really easy until it started pouring down rain and was the worst right where the construction on I-4 is the worst. It was like a freakin free-for-all. I couldn’t see the lane changes – I really don’t think there were any markings – it was pouring – I just pretty much shut my eyes and hoped for the best…only figuratively shut my eyes of course – but probably would have done just as well. It’s a crazy stretch of road. Anyway, I feel very happy here in my little apt. I move my boxes around a lot and feel like I’m redecorating. And now I have that new dresser. And I talked to the antique man about getting me a piece of marble to replace the broken top. He suggested going to the marble store which I guess I should just do. Julia had a great idea to make it an artsy piece and cement the pieces back together and put stones/gems/glitter stuff in the cracks which is a cool idea. Zachary suggested breaking it even more to do that so the look would be overall, which is also an excellent idea – except I’m not doing that. For now I’ll just leave it.
So I’m good with my furniture buys (for now) – next I’ll focus on my social life. Joining the Y is on the list – I have used it when I’ve paid for it in the past so I believe in myself – I’m also confirmed for Bunko for next Wednesday. CONFIRMED! Ha! Well anyway, I’m looking forward to it but worried about missing laundry day. I’ll figure something out. I go back to Stephanie’s after that – maybe I’ll drag it to her house.
Here’s some pics from my 4th of July weekend.
There was dancing
and sunsets
and kitties
kitties that look like a plate of fur
more sunset
more sky
and more sunset
There really are no words for how much I miss it there – but it’s an easy drive. I still live in Florida. Two weeks ago I was at the Ocean and then last week an easy drive to the Gulf. I mean, how many people can say that? (probably a lot that live here but that’s beside the point)
When I moved to Florida in 2014 I pretty much immediately started blogging. I was disciplined, keeping it up daily whether or not there was anything to say. I miss blogging. It gave me a purpose, among all those other nanny-duty purposes, it was my purpose. Now? I got nuthin. I know there was an awful lot of nuthin then too but now I really have nuthin. Not even the desire to report on nuthin. Like after I typed that sentence I just sat staring at the screen. But I want to finish my book so I’ll come up with something here so I can finish the Husband’s Secret (by Liane Moriarty) – Don’t tell me, I’m almost done – I know what the letter said (in the book) and I have a feeling I know how this is going to end. DON’T TELL ME!!
Anyway, work…so work is, in my opinion, going well. I have so much to do and such a variety. Like today I made a bookmark that we will pass out at the Resource Fair that I am planning (the Resource Fair) – I’m thinking about this mini “Taste of DeLand” to have at New Faculty Orientation, that I am planning, that the Resource Fair is part of that I’m thinking we will have the Taste of DeLand there for lunch, where we will pass out bookmarks. See? How it all ties together? And then there’s the budget stuff I have to figure out, although I am not overly confident that I’m gonna get a system down this year. I had web content training last week so I’m ready to start updating the website content. Then I have to make all the changes/updates on the blog – check all the links and update content. Oh and get this 90+ surveys on Survey Monkey that I have to either transfer to a different program (Qualtrics) or delete and I have to learn Qualtrics first. So I’m busy. I go to work early and leave late although I’m getting a little tired of all the hours so this week I’m working a more reasonable work week. I mean I guess I could blog about all the little projects I work on everyday but really, really, do you want to hear about Qualtrics? Maybe you do. Maybe I should consider it.
Other things, life in general….I got nuthin. Here, in my life area, there is no comparison to what is going on at work – like it’s the opposite. Like I’m over busy at work and I’m so not busy at home or in my personal life. I tried to find a horseback riding place but I may have reported on how that didn’t work out – it’s summer anyway so I may revisit that in the Fall. I had an invite to a Bunko group but then got uninvited. I know it sounds harsh but she had enough people (I was a sub) so I get it. After 10 years of Bunko – I get it. I haven’t been walking because it rains – like really hard – every day. ALTHOUGH, I might just start walking with an umbrella and get some steps in anyway – if I can stand the heat. Seriously this heat is something, so I might renege on this idea. Don’t judge me until you experience this. I. Have. Never. I have compared walking out into this heat like walking into a steam room or sauna – It’s just unbearably hot. BUT it rains a lot and when the sun is behind those clouds it’s quite bearable. I think at the moment it’s only in the 70’s. Just like winter.
I went home to Pittsburgh this past weekend to see my kids and drag them to the Arts Festival with me. We went on Saturday which is so crowded and unenjoyable anyway – I had an outing in the morning so we got a late start – and then we wanted to go to the 3:50 movie so we could meet Rachel for dinner before it got too late – so that left 2:00 – 3:00 for the Arts Festival. You know, it takes 25 minutes just to park and get there. So we walked through quickly – got a piece of pizza and sat at the Point listening to a bluegrass band. I do love the music there during the Arts Festival. And I did love the movie and I do love Rachel and so there was love all the way around. We saw Wonder Woman. I have decided when I recreate myself, after retirement, I want to be an Amazon Woman and train on horseback with arrows. Krystal, my friend at work, thinks I’m too short. Pshaw I say.
I saw friends at Point Park University (but not enough of them), I saw babies, and went on walks with my son and grandpup, Julius. And I saw some old high school friends. Anyway, all in all it was a lovely lovely weekend. I got my Pittsburgh kid fix and didn’t even cry when I left them and came back home to Florida….to nuthin. I don’t mind nuthin. Just not good for blogging
Here’s what I did on my summer vacation:
It’s JaNelly!!
Views from Zach and Rachel’s
Baby Day
Dog walking
Just look at that face
That sky looks scary but it was very refreshing
A day in the city with the boys:
This is us!!See how much they love the arts festival?I’m the one in the middle
Birthday dinner:
That’s it – that’s all the pictures and blogging for now. I’m going to make a conscious effort to blog again. I can do it, and walk to work, and find a yoga class. I’ve got this!
The internet is down at work. Everything I need to work on is internet related. I could probably sift through some papers and make piles. I mean really I haven’t been here long enough to think about cleaning anything (like files) out. I have barely started files. So….what to do, what to do.
I know, I’ll blog.
Sooo,,,,how are you? I’m fine thank you. Last weekend was the Siesta Key weekend with the girls (Jer, Ker, Jan and Di, and me) A lovely time was had by all. I got way too much sun on Sunday. I don’t know what I was thinking when I sat out on that beach without sunscreen. I think I had put it on in the morning but then forgot. I really can’t remember how it happened but I was kind of a burgundy color at the end of the day. Now I’m just tan and peeling. I won’t do that again.
Here are some beach pics:
It wasn’t too hard to come “home” – I actually smiled when I walked into my little bungalow apartment. Well you know, bungalow-ish. A bungalow might be a little bigger. Anyhoo, I’m settling in. I might be settling in a little tooo much as my routine is work way too long days, come home and sit in the chair and watch TV. It’s bad. So to help with my laziness I started walking to work (and counting steps) Wait, did I already blog about this? I think I may have. But here’s some pictures from my morning walk to work:
Here we have a cute bakery that I pass every morning:
And this wall is extra cool and look at this artwork:
Then I get to the 7/11 which is right across the street from a PNC which always makes me feel at home:
shoot I deleted that picture by accident. Well just imagine you are seeing a 7/11 across the street from a PNC.
Then to campus and at this time of year campus it is so quiet:
And then to my desk where I see this view:
Takes about 15 minutes unless I stop at 7/11 for coffee – which I always do. But hey I figure once I get to 7/11 it’s like I’m at work because it’s basically “on” campus. So I start my time when I get there. Not that anybody cares.
Yea, I don’t have a lot to share these days. I work, I sit in the chair, sleep then work again. Not a very exciting life but I’m just resting while the universe is deciding my next move. In the meantime here are a couple of DeLand fun facts:
There is grass here. You may not understand this, those of you with grass in your yards (I’m not talking about marijuana) but I don’t think green grass is native to Florida. We had some in Palm Harbor and we had someone cut the grass but it never smelled like cut grass. I love that cut grass smell as do most humans and here at Stetson I think they cut the grass every day. I’m not exaggerating. And typically it’s cut in the mornings so everyday when I come to work I smell fresh cut grass. It’s really a lovely way to start the day.
DeLand is the sky diving capital of the world. I’m not making that up. See it’s on the Internet here: Skydiving Capital of the World I don’t really care about skydiving, nor do I ever ever want to go sky diving but it’s kind of a cool thing to be known for. My work-mate colleague (Krystal) ran into about 30 people from the Netherlands who were here specifically to skydive. Supposedly there is a place to watch – a restaurant I think (or a bar) and maybe someday I will find it and have lunch there and watch crazy people jump out of planes.
DeLand practices trickery. Well at least the DeLand Bakery practices trickery. So I showed you a picture of the very adorable looking Buttercup Bakery that I pass everyday coming to work and I proudly pass every day. In addition to having the best looking cupcakes ever they have lunches so today I told Julia that I was thinking of going to the Buttercup Bakery to get a sandwich, to which she said have you tried the DeLand Bakery? They have organic food there. Well, you know I was expecting organic donuts with a couple of wraps or something along those lines. Well, well, well, the DeLand Bakery is this huge (okay not like Whole Foods huge, but large) organic store. Like a Wild Fields. Do you have those anywhere? Complete with organic produce and aisles of organic everything and in the back they have a salad bar – which is hot foods and then wraps, etc. So I got for my lunch salmon, mashed potatoes, green beans, mushrooms, three salads (okay I’m just getting spoonfuls of each) but anyway most delicious lunch ever – and not a donut in sight. Not one. I have no idea why they call it a Bakery. But what a great find that was. And while lunch wasn’t the $5 that I would like to spend it wasn’t really that bad considering. If I could get on the internet right now I’d google it up to see why it’s named the DeLand Bakery but I guess that will have to wait since I still have no internet.
This weekend, this loonngg weekend, before payday, I might go and explore DeLeon Springs. They have a restaurant in the park that serves pancakes. It’s called The Old Spanish Sugar Mill. See pics here: Pancakes! What’s unusual about it is they bring the pancake batter to the table and have griddles built into the table and you make them yourself. Probably not something to do by myself but it would be fun to go with someone and check it out. I wonder how crowded these places will be. I was thinking of staying away from the beach, first to let my sunburn fade and also because it will be crowded. My guess is that the Parks will be crowded as well. See? This is why I don’t leave my chair.
The internet is back on which means I can actually post this blog, AND get back to work. Good news, bad news.
My little girl is graduating this week. Wednesday to be exact. I’m not going because really she is not my little girl. But for 2 years she was. And how are you supposed to just stop caring for someone like that? I was with Marissa for 3 years when she went to Point Park. She sat at my desk 4 days a week for 3 years, as my work-study. I remember the day she walked out of my office for the last time (as a student worker), the tears, the pit in my stomach, I can relive it on a dime. (I just saw her 2 weeks ago. She lives in Orlando. It’s good.) Zachary also used to stop in and visit when he went to Point Park and even though I knew I would obviously see him again, since he is my son, the day he walked out of my office after quitting school (the first time) I had that pit. You get used to people ya know? And while it is true that I have not been with Zener this past year I can’t help but think about her graduating. People who know me, know how hard it is for me to get over a boyfriend (other than the dreams I’m still having about Howard, my high school boyfriend – I am sooo good at it now) so imagine me trying to get over these children. It’s mind blowing to say the least. I can’t wrap my head around it most days and have no idea how to process it. How did Mary Poppins do it?
So the little girl that I watched make the transition to this new school, new home, new family, who I watched go from sobbing about it to being so excellent at everything she tried, cheering for her at her LAX games, holding her up when she got hit in the head with a LAX stick bleeding everywhere, helping her through life with a shoulder to cry on (she rarely cries but would vent…often), literally she would put her head on my lap to watch TV, make BLT’s and cookies for, this little girl that I became so fond of is graduating from high school. I couldn’t be prouder even though I’m not there. She knows I’m thinking about her. Who knows maybe she thinks of me too.
I have had to break ties a few times in my life over situations like this. The first time was with Zachary’s cousin Aimee. We were very close when she was a little girl. When I divorced Zachary’s dad, when she was like 7, I assumed we would stay close. But when I got pregnant with Jimmy, out of wedlock, well, her mother had another idea. I had heard that Aimee and her mother were having arguments over wanting to stay close with me, she would have been 8 or 9 then. So I backed out. Right after I told her that I would always be there for her. And then I let go. Why? Because it’s not right to come between a child and their parent. It’s not right. Not at 8 years old. I had always hoped that when she grew up we would reconnect but she has never reached out. I’m sure she feels I abandoned her. Why? Because I abandoned her. Except I didn’t. I just backed down.
I’ve backed down – but not completely off – with the Baker children as well. I often think of Jorden and wonder how he’s doing but he wouldn’t dare go against his father’s wishes to keep me at a distance. It’s an odd scenario isn’t it? Imagine being those kids, or any kids, that have people they get attached to come and go into their lives. I had two parents my whole life, well I mean until my father died. But my mom never brought anyone into our lives even after being widowed at 50 years old. I remember when I was living in Miami at 21 years old my parents called and said they were getting divorced. I sat on Doug’s lap, curled up in the fetal position, and cried like a baby. Sobbing. And then they didn’t get divorced. I mean I was 21 years old, for heavens sake, but the thought of them divorcing was destined to ruin my world, I was sure of it. I’m embarrassed to say that I didn’t cry like that when my dad died. But divorce? That was a different story in my mind.
I wonder how that has shaped me. As a parent. As a partner. We all know I’m not good at the partner thing, well not good at picking a partner, but I like to think I’ve been a steady parent. I do sometimes feel like I’m being punished for leaving my own grown children. I left them to help this other family and in the process lost everyone. Well you know, I didn’t really lose anyone, but I wasn’t around for anyone to take me to the Grand Concourse on Mother’s Day. My kids didn’t have a mom to hang out with. I’ve abandoned my children. I don’t know what I was thinking.
I don’t understand how when people die they say they have no regrets. I have sooooo many regrets. Starting back with high school. I wish I was a better student. I wish I would have passed French. I wish I would have finished college (in the 70’s). I wish I would have practiced piano more. And that’s just the start. I don’t know what I wish I would have done differently these past 4 years but I would have done something differently. I just don’t know what it is yet. I do not regret knowing Zenah. That is a given.
Well, I should take a lesson from the book of Zener. Here is a person who has been faced with unbelievable challenges at every stage in her life and she never let it get her down. She had told me in the past that she’s had no regrets. Every challenge, even the death of her mother, was a growing experience for her – that’s what she said. And now she’s graduating from high school – I’m sure with honors – and attending her first pick college – University of Florida. GO GATORS!! How can you not be proud of this girl, whether you know her or not? She is an amazing person. She will surely be a light force in the world. She already is.
Ya know, Gainesville is less than an hour from me. I wonder if she’ll mind if I show up with cookies….every weekend.
My mother hates the Queen – you know the one in England. Are there other Queens? Well anyway, she hates that one. I have no idea why. I’m like “have you ever met her mummy?” It’s like this irrational hatred, in my opinion. But then again I’m only through Season 1 of The Crown. And in Season 1 the Queen is very likable – I’d even say lovable. As I watch this, before bed most nights, I’d have dreams with me as royalty of course. And then I wake up confused as to where I am (not to mention who I am). Mostly I end up wondering where my double or triple strand pearls are. YEARS ago, I had a dream that me, my sister, and Princess Diana were playing cards in a bedroom in a castle. We were all sisters in some other lifetime, big dresses and all, big cold castle, and I looked out of the window high above the grounds to see my children playing in the gardens with the nanny then went back to playing cards with my sisters. Often in the series, The Crown, the Queen looks out of the window at the children playing in the gardens. It really gives me the chills..just like my dream I tell you. Well anyway, I had that dream before Princess Di was killed. It was a long time ago but I remember that dream. Mostly I remember looking out of the window like she does. Tonight is a TV special on Princess Di’s last 100 days. I better watch and see what Sis was up to in her last moments. After she died I had another dream where she came to me in the dream and told me she was ok. So you tell me. I joke with my sister Kerry, in this lifetime, continuously about our nephews in England – always wondering if she’s paying attention to them. She thinks I’m crazy of course. And I am but what’s your point?
So today I had the full intention of going to the beach…and then changed my mind. I wanted to walk on the beach and get some sun but I didn’t feel like making the drive. So I just walked up town here, in the sun and shade and then binged on The Crown. Turns out I missed one or two episodes since I started watching somehow. I watch on Netflix and turn off the TV when an episode is over, then the next night or time I’m ready to watch the next one I turn the TV/Netflix back on and it tells me where I left off. Well, I watched on my computer today, instead of my TV, and first of all even though Netflix was saying “hi Lynn” it did not recognize where I left off – which fortunately made me go back and look at episodes and somehow I missed TWO of them. Now how does that happen? So now I’m wondering if I missed any of Grace and Frankie. I started to go back through the 3 seasons of Grace and Frankie to see what I missed and then was embarrassed about myself, sitting here all day. I decided to walk up to the corner store, to get off my arse and to get out in the sun again. I briefly thought of jumping in the car and making the 30-45 minute drive to the beach but quickly opted for the short walk buying an avocado, a banana and a small $1 bag of mini Oreos. I know. Shut up.
Yesterday I ran errands, just like a working girl does on a weekend and ended up sitting in my yard. I bought some bulbs during my errands, planted them, put the rest of the Virginia daffodils under a tree (in the ground) just to see if they might come up here in Florida, had my book and my phone, ready to sit in my yard and read in the sun. I never got to my book. I never got my face out of my phone. I was catching up on Words with Friends, Yahtzee and some texts. I think I don’t love my book enough to read it. It’s called fly away by Kristin Hannah. The sequel to firefly lane. I just don’t love it enough. I was thinking of trying to read today too. Then decided to watch the Netflix. Ya know? It’s bad. And now I’m blogging just to get out of reading that book. What is wrong with me? I wonder if people will say that when my book gets published. That they’ll want to do anything else but read it. (see how I did that there with the when?)
In other news, work is work. I haven’t quit and they haven’t fired me. I have no intention of quitting a job, ever again, so it’s a good thing I like it. I like everyone I work with and although it’s only been a month I feel very comfortable there. It’s not an easy job which is good for me personally and as with any university job there are challenges that are apparently industry wide (in higher ed) but at least I’m not surprised by them. I just keep my nose down, eyes on my own paper, shake my head and do my job. That’s all I’m going to say about that. But I’m happy there and here’s a picture from my desk.
Yes I have a window!
My boss, who I love, sent me a weeks worth of Blue Apron – another one of those cooking box things…just because. Purple Carrot doesn’t deliver to Florida. I wonder why? Anyway, so this week in my Blue Apron box I have lemongrass burgers, seared salmon and chicken with creamy couscous. I love these box deal things. I love everything about it. The ease, the recipes, the directions, just everything. The first night I made the lemongrass burgers and thought I died and went to heaven. Of course I can make these on my own now, if I can find where they sell lemongrass stalks but goodness it was delicious. My only complaint with the Blue Apron recipes are they have added sugar in them. Like in Purple Carrot there was no sugar. Purple Carrot is also vegan or vegetarian. I LOVE sugar, so says my waistline, and well I probably don’t really need any extra of it in my cooking. Even so, since Purple Carrot doesn’t deliver here, I think I might continue to get a Blue Apron box a month. I could just leave the sugar out. I feel like I’ve brought this up before haven’t I? Well, just think of me here, sitting alone in my chair, in a town where I know nobody, binging on Netflix. You’d repeat yourself too. AND you’d probably buy $1 bag of Oreos too.
Here are a couple of pictures of my yard where one day there may be flowers.
Not a great picture with the shade but here is where I’m experimenting with flowers.
I also planted some vegetables over there by the fence (see pic below) that won’t come up because it’s too hot.
This back yard reminds me alot of my Fair Oaks house back yard. I was able to grow things back there – I can grow things here. I hope.
Views from my chair – Just look at that sky:
One of the things I spent my time researching on my phone was those raised garden boxes I thought I might put over there by the fence. But then the question is why? Why raised boxes and not just in the ground? Anybody? Is it just a craze? A fad? Or is there some logic to planting in a box and not in the ground? Don’t we want the nutrients of the earth? Well anyway, I was pondering that yesterday. I shall continue to ponder throughout the summer because September is really when I should be putting seeds in. Not in the spring like the rest of the world.
Tonight I’m having a salad with the bag of greens I bought at the farmers market on Friday night. I walked over Friday night to our little farmer’s market and met Julia and Joe for a drink (ok I didn’t drink but I did sit a spell) bought lettuce and walked back home. Just like a resident. So I thought I’d save my last Blue Apron meal for maybe tomorrow night and tonight I’ll throw everything I have left over from the other two nights into one big salad. Doesn’t that sound delicious? And then…I’ll get back into this chair and get ready to watch Princess Di. I will put on my single strand pearls for the occasion.
xoxoxo
And here’s a random picture of my son (third from the left or 2nd from right) and his friends at a Kentucky Derby party. They are all so handsome. I love these boys.
Realistically how many days of work do you need to go through before you repeat an outfit? I’m almost at my one month work anniversary. I admit I wore one dress twice. I’ve worn some other items twice but never in the same combo but now I think I have to start repeating. What will help immensely is Friday is jean day. Since wearing jeans in Florida is like an “are you effing kidding me” option (it’s way too hot now) it does open up dress down options such as capris and that opens up a lot of Friday options for me. But Friday is also supposed to be green day. Green is Stetson’s color, so we’re supposed to wear green, sort of like a hunter green, on Fridays. (Print: Pantone 363 Web: #3D8E33) I don’t own any green. Not that dark green color anyway. I did! I had this really perfect t-shirt style skirt with a green stripe that I used to pair with a green t-shirt except the skirt made it into the giveaway pile last Fall. Since it’s almost graduation and the students will be gone I think I’ll hold off investing in any green “spirit” wear until the fall when the students come back and football season starts. What would be ideal would be to buy a new outfit every payday to add to the rotation. Tomorrow is payday. I wonder if a new outfit will make the cut.
My list is getting smaller of required items. Some things I realize I just don’t need or want (like a microwave) but the other day I came home for lunch and thought I’d have a tuna salad lunch. All excited to try something other than PB&J I got the can down from the cupboard and…..no can opener. HA! I had one of those Pampered Chef can opener’s that I was sure to pack when I moved from the Baker household last year because I loved it so and well…it apparently didn’t make it into a “keep” box as I can’t find it. It should have been in my “favorite things” box OR in my Kitchen Aid mixer box but nooo.. Although I’m still not convinced that it’s lost for good. I have a feeling it’s here somewhere, but it kind of serves me right. My old roommate didn’t realize I took the can opener and I remember him telling me last summer that he was in the middle of making dinner and went to open a can and there was no can opener. In my defense (not that I need one) I really thought he had another one but anyway, here I am without a can opener, like can opener karma. And that does not mean for anyone to send me one. It’s just supposed to be a funny story about not being able to find things.
Speaking of people sending you things and buying things, my boss has us over for breakfast for staff meetings every Monday morning. I mean really, how nice/cool is that? Soo nice. I’ll of course never be able to reciprocate (due to space constraints) but anyway, what a nice thing to do. So I was there on Monday commenting on the fact that I loved the home delivery option (remember my love of the Purple Carrot deliveries?) and well anyway she gets Blue Apron and Hello Fresh which prompted the conversation. Two days later? I get a gift of a week’s worth of Blue Apron. I thanked her profusely of course and she said “why not…you said you liked it.” – HA! I asked if she was Italian because Jimmy’s Nunni is like that. If you walk into her house and say you like anything she’ll want to give it to you. I learned to never compliment anything in her house. You definitely can’t say you like something she has cooked because she won’t let you stop eating. But then of course if you don’t say you like it she’ll think you hate it. Ahhh, memories. Well anyway, I’m looking forward to my Blue Apron delivery. I may think about getting one a month. We’ll see. I’ll have to figure out my budget after my FIRST payday. It’s very exciting.
And I’m not even eating cereal the day before payday. Tonight I’m having steak, baked potato and green beans from the farmer’s market. Yea I know, I should just have had the steak and beans. The potato is a little too much but it’ sooo good.
This weekend, in addition to getting my new can opener, I think I might work on that yard a little. Nothing is growing there now. I think there’s a reason for that. I have a feeling nothing can grow there, but I’m gonna give it a try. I’ll see what they have at the farmer’s market in the way of plants, in addition to my week’s worth of veggies. Aren’t I just settling in so?
And that’s it for your mid-week pick me up. Life in Lynn’s head. Hmmmm, is that the title of my next book?
Jimmy’s friend (Jeffrey) used to say all the time when he was at our house “it’s peanut butter jelly time” – I think he used to do a dance too…maybe the dance had something to do with stirring the butter…kids… Anyway, it’s stuck with me…mostly because I’m known for always eating and making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Back in the day it was with Nestle’s Quik in milk; also known as chocolate milk, except I wouldn’t stir the chocolate. I would just eat it off the bottom. I have graduated from that but I still like the occasional peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Not as much as I used to I’m happy to report because believe it or not it’s a little too sweet for me these days…says the person who ate EIGHT cookies yesterday because obviously they weren’t too sweet.
Why am I thinking of Jeffrey and Peanut Butter jelly time? Because I made cookies.
I made cookies in my brand new apartment size stove with a window! That window is adorable. My landlord was also excited about the window. He told me when he saw the window he said it had to be that one. I think I have a good landlord(s). So I took them the first batch of cookies. I had to list the ingredients because everyone has some sort of allergy these days but luckily they past the allergy test. I promised a co-worker that as soon as I had a new stove I would bring in cookies and since I don’t like to break promises I’m making the rest of the batch for work. I’m feeling a bit like myself again. A little blend of the new and old. New stove, new and old spatula(s), new oven mitt, but old kitchen aid mixer and old cookie sheet. I have saved that cookie sheet from years and years and YEARS ago because I swear it is the only one that cooks them perfectly. The oven is doing a pretty good job too apparently.
Next I’ll be roasting the beets that I got Friday night at the farmers market, the foodie I am, I’m very excited about the farmer’s market here. I bought a bag of greens – not much lettuce in it – but she threw in all kinds of leafy items including nasturtiums – told me to be sure to eat the flowers – so I did when I made a salad last night. The flowers were the best part. Well anyway, tonight it’s beets (from the farmer’s market) and cookies. Dinner of champions.
Also this weekend…I found the beach. All I have to do is come out of my parking spot and make a right and drive for 25 miles and voilà I am there, at New Smyrna Beach. After getting beeped at by several drivers who were not so patient with my slow driving while I was trying to find my way around I did find off street parking. So follow along with the pictures:
At this point I had not yet seen the beach – I just knew it was there up and over those steps. I walked up the steps:
And this is what I saw:
I swear I was in shock. It is not the same as walking over from Stephanie’s or from my own 150 steps or from any place I went in the last 3 years ever. All I could think of was “I’m not in Kansas anymore.” I mean I like took a step back and said out loud “holy shit” – almost turned around and got back in the car but I did not. I ventured forward. The brave soul that I am.
Here’s the scene from the beach level.
It was way too crowded. Way too big. I didn’t like it one bit. BUT, I plopped my chair down anyway and read a bit. Actually it was okay then as I blocked everything else out…but then I decided I wanted to venture on up the coast and find South Daytona Shores which a friend told me I would probably like. So back in the car – made a right to go North – 15 minutes later I’m in the Daytona Beach area. I DID like it more. Even though it’s highrise after highrise – once I got onto the beach it was much less crowded. I decided I like the idea of driving onto the beach ($10 a day or $25 for a yearly pass for a resident. Guess who’s a resident?) So I drove onto the beach and parked and loved it. LOVED it.
The Ocean is not the Gulf. The Ocean is so much bigger and grander and did I mention bigger and romantic. You know? I mean it’s the Ocean – Atlantis is under there! Across the Ocean is Africa. Across the Gulf is Texas. The Gulf to me was always like a big lake. That said I had/have learned to love the Gulf and given the option, at least today, I would choose to live on that Gulf side of the state BUT I do think I’m going to love the Ocean as well. The water was warm enough to go in but I did not. It was a little overwhelming. Again so big and it looked rough to me and well you know I’m no spring chicken and it wasn’t that hot and I was alone and well so I read my book. Here’s scenes from this beach:
My lone chair – heaven I say…What is this?
Oh and then I just walked across the little pathway (that’s for cars) and put my stuff in the trunk and went for a walk. Ya know? Kinda nice to have that option to just lock up your stuff in your car that is right there…on the beach…BUT I did notice when I pulled into that sand that my car just sunk. I tried to back up a bit and just spun. That’s when I first got there. I decided to worry about it later.
Meanwhile, a lifeguard came by (in a truck) took one look at my car, unprovoked by me, stopped, got a shovel and dug around my tires. To which I then approached him and thanked him and told him I was worried about that – he said I should be fine just keep the wheels straight and back up. Well, yea,,,,,when it was time to go after a lovely lovely day I got stuck. I did what the lifeguard said – I kept it straight and when I “thought” I was on the road (so to speak) I cut the wheel. Also the tide was coming in and I was afraid of backing up too far into the water. It was a narrow space. Well anyway, down I went, into the sand. I think I cut it too soon. Two guys got up and came to my aid. They dug around my tires and it did nothing. Then they tried to push and still nothing, I’m just sinking more and now I’m blocking the road. Along comes two really handsome men (and their girlfriends I suppose) in a golf cart – I swear they were like football players or something – and just without a word – got out and came over to push – big smiles on their faces. One of their girlfriend’s said she wanted to push too and got out to help. I wish I would have gotten a picture of all of them – but I was mortified to say the least. Luckily the FIVE of them pushed me right out and home I came. When I got home I saw my neighbors and told them about getting stuck on the beach and they implied that it’s totally normal to get stuck. I guess that makes me feel a little better but not real clear about where to park next time. Do I just park and let people push me out every time?
I took a different road home and passed a mall, the Daytona Beach airport and the Daytona Speedtrack. Have you ever seen the speedtrack?
It is the biggest thing I have ever ever seen. I saw it the first time when I came down here with Jimmy in 2009 on a college tour trip. So this was my second time and I was still as awe-struck as the first. I mean it’s jaw dropping big, at least to me. Well anyway, I believe that road (not the road I took in the morning) will be my go to road because believe it or not I kinda miss civilization. As I am trying to reinvent myself….again…and trying to figure out what I want out of life I vacillate between living alone-ish on a Greek Island with a really good farmers market and a beach – to missing a mall, a movie theater, and my bunkoettes. And sooo many days when I miss my boys, and Zenah (all of them really) and I just wonder about moving away from EVERYONE….and I think to myself what did I do? (with big tears) And then other days, when I’m at the beach alone with my book I think I’m in heaven.
The book I’m reading? It’s the first one I got from my library. It’s called Rebirth, by Kamal Ravikant. Sometimes I’ll go into a bookstore (or library) and just pick out a book because everytime I do that it is something that I need to hear. So without knowing anything about this book I picked it off the shelf. Well, obviously that’s half a lie based on the title of the book Rebirth and all. But anyway, the story I knew nothing about. Turns out it’s about a man (young adult) walking the Camino (the Camino de Santiago). Diane walked that Camino. I think of her as I read the book, I can’t believe she did that. It’s such a cool experience. Anyway, the author meets so many other pilgrims (that’s what they call themselves, pilgrims) along his journey all of course who help with his dilemma. Of course there is an ex-girlfriend involved. An ex-girlfriend of 5 months. I had to go back and reread that and make sure I was right about the 5 months. Cause seriously, ya know? But why am I judging? I need to stop that. He misses her but his father has also died and he’s having a really really tough time with that. Everyone he meets is going through something or has gone through something.
Here are a couple of my favorite passages:
“You are at the edge of a cliff and you stand and wait for wings to grow before you jump…But life wants you to jump first, then your wings grow. And I assure you, they grow quickly.”
“If I loved myself, what would I do?”
“To think your hurt is special is nonsense. You have pain, I have pain. The world has stories of pain..It is not your wound that makes you special….It is the light that shines through that does.”
I recommend this book to anyone going through “a time.” There are so many passages in there that I love. I wish I could write them all on here.
I’m not in pain…I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea but I am going through a time of figuring stuff out….still and again. I know I know it seems like I’ve been going through that time for a LONG time, but really it’s not even a year yet and think about all that has happened in a year. This time last year I was living with this big family, in a big(ish) house(certainly compared to now), traveling, planning a vacation with the girls, then I lived at the beach for three months and there was Stephanie who became such a big part of my life in such a short time, left there in a hurricane to drive to Virginia, left Virginia in another hurricane back to Florida, gave up on Florida and went back to Virginia accepting my fate, trying to get settled there only to be upended again and back in Florida in a completely new place. All that in a year!! Like nothing is familiar. NOTHING, okay except maybe Publix. Sometimes I just walk through Publix so I can feel at home – I know right? Home. WTF. The book talks about the Camino walk is in three parts; life, death and rebirth. Guess that’s true for any life journey if you think about it. I mean having kids is life, they grow, they move that’s death, and then what you do after that is rebirth. For me that rebirth is really taking some twists and turns. So many twists and turns I’m having a hard time keeping up. I hope I can make all those twists and turns into bestsellers!! HA!!!
Okay – that’s it – my thoughts for the day. Old and new. Chocolate chip cookies in a new oven. A new spatula and an old cookie sheet. The Ocean and my old beach chair.
I don’t know, Keifer Sutherland is just not convincing as the President to me. I can’t wrap my heart around this Designated Survivor show. I want to. I like the premise but I’m just not feeling him. Like does he have to have that whispery voice? Breathy? It’s just weird. So I thought I’d check in and blog before I hit the hay.
Life is going. I had a lovely lovely LOVELY weekend over at the beach with Stephanie and crew. Saw my old beach neighbor who loaded me up with glass pieces for the apt, had great laughs and food with Stephanie and her friends, who are now my friends too, got some sun and went to a sunrise service steps from her house where I ran into Rick Cole. Always fun to run into Sewickley people when you’re 1000 miles from home (home being Sewickley in this scenario). So this is funny, Rick came over to Stephanie’s after the sunrise service for coffee and when I introduced them he said “I think we’ve met” prompting her to get her key chain and show him a picture that we took together in 1995 at Crabby Bills. So in 1995 John and I came(went) to St Pete Beach for a weekend, the ONLY time John and I ever went anywhere alone together (without Jimmy) and well anyway so we hooked up with Rick as he lives around St Pete Beach too. At the same time friends Jean and Diane, also from Pittsburgh, were staying in St. Pete Beach visiting Stephanie, so we all met at Crabby Bills. At the time Crabby Bills took pictures and we had a group picture made into key chains. Stephanie STILL has that picture on her keychain. How wild is that? I probably have that picture in a box somewhere. But I quit carrying it on my key chain long ago. It was pretty funny when she pulled that picture out.
Here are some pictures from the weekend:
It wasn’t too bad of a drive over or back. Both times I made it in under 3 hours. So not too bad. I sure do love it over there. I love the beach and I love my sunsets. This weekend I’m going to try and find a beach on the east coast. I’m reluctant to go to New Smyrna Beach, which is probably the closest, because it is literally the shark bite capital of the world. A friend recommended South Daytona Beach so I think I’ll try that. I haven’t read about too many bites that happen there. Rick (the marine biologist) said it has something to do with currents causing the sharks to feed at New Smyrna. Go figure. Well anyway,
I’ve been hanging some pictures around the new place making it look a little more like home:
I also ordered my first new piece of furniture from Target…thanks to a generous benefactor, and well get this…it was supposed to be delivered today and when I got home, excited to put it together, I had a notice from UPS saying I needed to sign for it. So then I called them and they said that the driver made that decision (to get a signature) based on the fact that it’s an unsafe neighborhood. Really? So yea, this is where I live. The UPS won’t even leave the boxes. So I told them to leave it anyway and I’ll take my chances. I may be wrong but I really don’t think someone is going to come onto the porch and take the boxes. But if they do then that’ll be that. Honestly it “looks” like a decent neighborhood for the most part but if you see any of the people who walk by you might make that unsavory conclusion. But it’s had me thinking all night about where I live and now I’m kinda pissed because I don’t want to think I’m unsafe. Well hopefully there will be some boxes here tomorrow night and I’ll have my first “new” piece of furniture. My glass friend gave me a plant stand so that’s new too. But really, am I going to be here longer than a year? Should I just live out of the boxes for the whole year in the bedroom? And quit getting new stuff? I’m thinking “yes” – plus less furniture to move next year as I’m probably not going to have moving expenses paid again…ever.
Work is work and it’s good and I work long days and they are starting summer hours in a few weeks, but I don’t know that I’ll really get to be part of that because I’m so busy. Anyway, Point Park people will probably laugh because I fought for summer hours for 8 years and now I’m going to get them and I may not even get to enjoy them. I like my job and I love all the people I’ve met. There’s a lot to learn and I haven’t quit yet so that’s a good sign. I remember Zachary visiting me at work in Pittsburgh one time saying that all the papers on my desk made him nervous, he said he can’t imagine knowing what to do with all of them. I knew what to do with each piece of paper then. But now I know how he feels. I have so many papers on my desk and I’m so unorganized waiting for my new computer, my new desk and my office supplies. I’m like a fish outta water. But I hope to look back on this time soon and feel competent again….someday.
I guess that’s it for today. Hope everyone everywhere is doing well.
