Ya Got to have Friends

Early in life I learned to keep my thoughts to myself.  Funny since now I document a lot of them for the world to judge me on.  I mean really, that is ironic.  But in my earlier life, I kept things to myself because without fail I would have been made fun of, to have feelings of any kind was pretty much viewed as being ridiculous or overly dramatic in my family.  And then later in life people would just consider me “crazy” – because I think out of the box. I’m a dreamer.  But this upbringing is not unusual.  Apparently, my parents didn’t want drama, and so I just learned to bury everything.. Not EVERYthing, but a fair amount.

And then one day you’re in a college class, when you are in your mid 40’s and the subject comes up about this feeling that comes over you when your kids leave home and go to college and you have started to enter the empty nester stage.  And then you have this epiphany when this other woman is sharing your same feelings that “wait, this is kinda normal?” At that point in my life I really thought I was having a nervous breakdown.  My oldest son had just left for college.  I still had a little one at home (little-ish) but Zach, my oldest, had been my rock, sort of my compass.  YES I KNOW!  This is a terrible thing to do to your child.  But I was a baby when I had him, and the parenting books were not yet caught up with the single mom issue being main stream so you do what you do.  I know now, but at the time he was just so wise and calming to me while I struggled with just life in general and then he was gone and as most college kids do, he did not return calls…like ever.  It was a hellish time.  A terrible transition.  I was surely losing my mind and in my mind I was totally alone and no one would understand.

And then this class, full of middle age woman, like me, are all shaking their heads in agreement when this other mother shared what she was going through.  I remember the shock of realizing I was not alone.  I don’t know if I can properly express what that moment meant to me.  How many other life experiences have I gone through that I thought I was crazy for feeling like I was feeling?  Feeling alone.

This blog, started in Florida in 2014, when I was going through yet another transition, based on a melt-down of sorts, but I kept the finallyflorida blog upbeat and stayed away from the drama and the reality of what was going on until the “big reveal” when I shared that it was not so rosy and I left that situation.  There was so much drama in that last year with him, but I just assumed no one wants to hear it.  Keep it to myself and focus on the positives.  I don’t know that I was wrong to do that.  But I will tell you my hair dresser down there thought I was an effing loon.  I did some not so healthy dumping on this stranger who just wanted to cut my hair and get a tip.  I think the lesson there is know your audience. But she was good at listening.  And I’m sure every hair dresser will tell you that this is a normal part of their job.  Getting dumped on by miserable housewives. (am I right?)

 I was reminded today of the importance of friends, friends that listen, and friends that care. And I am reminded we are not alone and sharing is caring.  (is that a t-shirt or bumper sticker?) And it’s Friday and blog day so what better subject to blog about?

I am at an age where another life transition is getting ready to occur (retirement) and I am struggling with myself. I am certain I have to figure this out myself.  But do I? What has experience taught me?  And what did Jennifer remind me of just this morning? We do not live in a bubble.  We live in a community of friends and people who can help us through fun and not so fun times.  We are all individuals but we are not that unique that someone else that we know hasn’t gone through a similar time.

But Big Reveals can be fun too!!

LOL.

Ok that’s it for today. 

Lunch break is over. I am so over it.