Surfing

August was a month of goodbyes. Stephanie’s husband, Tim, died on Saturday, August 18.  I got a text early that Saturday morning saying his heart had stopped and he was on life support. I jumped in the car, made it over to St. Pete and the hospital in time to say goodbye.  It was similar, so similar, to what we just went through with Flo (Jimmy’s grandmother).  His eyes were open although he was on a ventilator and I swear he winked at me 🙂 – well maybe not – but I’m glad I was able to say goodbye.  He lived for 12 minutes without the ventilator and off to Heaven he went.  A sad weekend indeed.

Then came the trip to Opus (Virginia) to pack it up and say goodbye. I left after work last Wednesday and made it to Savannah by dark –when I say Savannah I mean along I95 there – not actually “in” Savannah.  The exit is called Port Wentworth. Up early the next day and off I went, promising my car that this was the last long road trip in her little life..(I hope)  And did you know that from that exit it’s only 4 miles until you cross into South Carolina?  Did you know they are that close to each other?  There is a great Farmer’s Market off of I95 in Florence SC by the way, if you’re ever in the area.  Called Pee Dee Farmer’s market – I stopped there and bought a ton of peaches.  They were so good. We ate them all week and I made a peach pie!! Delicious.

So anyway, the weather was cooperating and for two days, it was under 90, and I was able to get a lot of work done without sweating. On Sunday we had our first buyer come through.  They didn’t buy the house but they loved it which was nice to hear.  We’re not quite ready anyway.  I am hoping that it will all fall into place and sell when it’s time.  I am also hoping that the time is coming up very soon!!  But back to the goodbyes.  So moms friends had a nice gathering for her on that Sunday.  Remember how she was a drummer for a dance group?  Not like Phil Collins drumming but like this:

Anyway, her friends had this dance/gathering in her honor and she drummed and danced for what we assume is the last time.  She had a lovely time and enjoyed seeing (hearing/being with) old friends.  It was very special and such a nice send off.

Various people stopped by throughout the week to see mom and say goodbye knowing she was leaving.  The saddest was her high school friend.  They both realize of course that this is not just a weekend away at the beach and that they will never see each other again.  They’ve been good friends since 1949 – before that actually.  I mean can you imagine?  I can and I can imagine how sad it will be when my time comes.  But you know what? All these goodbyes for mom were so nice. I mean think about it. She’s not sick, she didn’t die, she was just sitting in the living room talking to people saying goodbye.  Really really nice.

And then of course all our goodbyes to the house.  My brother drove there from California – took him 5 days.  Get this –  his car (mini-cooper) has this light that comes on after about 5 hours of driving asking if he needs a break with a picture of a teapot and a biscuit.  Isn’t that cute?  He was hoping that he could push some button and it would tell him where the closest Starbucks was.  That’s a good thing to add to next year’s model.  Anyway, so he got to mom’s Monday night.  It was hot by this time.  Like so sweating hot. You know she doesn’t have AC.  I’ve lost 5 pounds because of all that sweating.  I’m a happy camper about that. I said goodbye to the creek (a couple times), goodbye to the trees, goodbye to the garden, goodbye to snake skins, the piano and the birds. It was super hard physical work and it was cathartic.

Kerry got there on Thursday and the pinochle games began.  I found an old pinochle deck in the corner of some closet – really old deck – but in perfect shape.  So we played with the honored deck. And I’d like to add that I was victorious winning 2 games out of 3 over the weekend.  Anyone that has played cards with me will know that it was all luck but still….I won.  We had so much fun.  We laughed a lot. We sat on the porch and reminisced about our childhood memories, we worked hard on our house projects and well it was a wonderful time and a lot a lot a lot of teary goodbyes.

Mom is now at Kerry’s (my sister’s) in Pittsburgh area. It seems to be going well.  She lived in my sister’s house 35 years ago so it’s not that unfamiliar.  She says she’s getting around pretty good. The kids (the babies) so far are not tripping her and seem happy to have her there.  It’s only day 2 but hey we’re all very happy.

Everyone (sister and brother and myself) have projects, so to speak, to keep us going and not wallowing in this particular ending. Scott is still at Opus getting it  ready to sell and have an estate sale.  He likes his projects and he’s invaluable.  He doesn’t mind the snake skins we find in the basement (or dead mice in old punch bowls)

Kerry has my mother to get settled in addition to an already full household and I have my job to catch up on after being out 10 days.  I have 10 days to get caught up at work before leaving again for a week when I go up to Pittsburgh to help mom look for her own place.  So we’re all staying busy.

A friend at work just had a similar weekend with her brothers this past weekend.  They too sold her family home and they all went and sat on the porch for one last time reminiscing for hours.  What we’re  going through is not unique.  So many of my friends have lost their parents, sold family homes and the like in the past few years.  But when it’s your turn it’s so very personal and so very special.  I am grateful that we had this time together, I am grateful that my mom is not sick and/or we dragged her out of there against her will and although we all sort of hoped she would die there peacefully in her sleep she seems to be enjoying being with her Evan (grandchild) and the great grandchildren.  I guess she has more work to do before she can join Tim (Stephanie’s husband) in heaven.  I did tell him my mom would be there shortly and to keep an eye out for her.  But shortly is relative is it not?

September has started off with new beginnings for us and for Stephanie. Mine might be a little bumpy for a bit but a fun weekend is also on the horizon.  I was watching some surfers yesterday (the ocean is rough with that hurricane out there) – anyway I was thinking how those surfers are out there waiting for the perfect wave.  Some times they catch one and ride it beautifully for a bit – sometimes they turn into the wave and ride up and then slide down and do that up and down thing a few times – sometimes they jump off their boards altogether and dive into the wave – well it just made me think about life and the waves we go through in our lives, our relationships, our jobs. Sometimes we wait for that perfect wave, sometimes we think it’s the perfect wave and then end up jumping off completely and trying again, and sometimes it’s a good wave for a minute then a struggle for a minute then a good wave again.  Do you see it?  I know Mary Ann does.  She used to tell me all the time to “ride the wave” when I had a boyfriend.  I’ve jumped off that wave you know but I have a lot of other waves going on right now and my seas are stormy!! Just think about all the waves my mom/our parents have gone through.  Ya know?  After what my mom has gone through for the last 12 blind years, living alone in the woods, well I hope her seas are calm for the duration .

xoxoxo

Parting shots: