Please bear with me…

I am hopelessly addicted to my shows on TV.  I hate this about myself at the moment.  I mean not this immediate moment, but I’ve been realizing that I’ve got to get away from it somehow.  My routine is work, home and as soon as I walk in the door I turn on the TV and I sit there until bed – well I make dinner with the TV on and THEN I sit there and watch it until bed. It’s bad! It’s really bad. Plus there’s nothing on – so I switch over to Netflix and the like and look for something on that…and well that’s even worse because then you just start binging because that’s a thing.  Binging.  Recently Jimmy got Hulu for me…so I had to check it out and on there I’m watching Deception, wait maybe it’s Perception. Yes Perception.I think.  Turns out it was a regular channel tv show for a while – I have 3 seasons to watch.  Then over to Starz where I started watching American Gods after I finished the book.  It’s good, weird but good and thank god I read the book, which was great (and weird) or I’d have no idea what it’s even about, plus the music/soundtrack is so bizarre I sometimes think I shouldn’t watch it before bed.  So I switched over to Counterpart also on Starz.  Last night I watched until 12:30 a.m. – then I did the dishes before going to bed because I’m wide awake from these shows. See what I mean?  A terrible downward spiral into TV land.  I have a couple of friends who are afraid of retiring because they think they’ll become slugs and just lay on the couch and watch TV (you know who you are) and of course I’ve always thought I’m above that as I have so many interests, my hospice work, my writing, a yoga class here and there and so where have I been every night of every day?  In the chair in front of the TV.  I don’t volunteer, I don’t go for walks – I go to yoga ONE night a week and every other moment?…in front of that dam TV. So tonight I said NO!  Do not turn on that TV…yet.  Write something dammit (while sitting in said chair.)  And well here I am, writing.  I had to get through my phone calls first.  I am on the phone a lot these days. It’s good to catch up and stay connected. But seriously how will I ever be a writer if I don’t write? And I am a writer! (right?) I’ve decided that I need to take this opportunity to write the nonsense, to practice the craft and when that story comes into my mind I’ll be ready.  But if I keep that TV on I’ll never be ready.

Okay well that’s the preamble. That got me to 7:49. I got home about 6 pm – I made dinner, cauliflower and chickpea somethings from Purple Carrot – already cleaned up from it, talked to Jimmy and my brother and well almost two hours with the TV off and I’ve written something.  But seriously I’m twitching a little.

How about an update (remember those?) I think things are moving forward and/or I’m settling in here in DeLand.  It seems contradictory, either you’re moving on or settling in, but in my case perhaps they are both happening simultaneously.  I have a couple of friends now – I know right?  We’ve been having lunch and going to yoga and well it’s fun to have new friends and all.  Oh this is kinda big, I’ve put my foot down at work and said “enough” – then of course I am very quick to say I’m not quitting and I love my job but seriously it is impossible for me to do it.  And I’ve been using my big words like “sustainable” and “turnover costs” and “cost-effective innovative solutions” and “strategic planning” and you know…like a grown up.  But seriously I’m going to burn out here and then there will be turnover and if I can’t do it then nobody can do it.  I think the burning out during the day has an awful lot to do with the chair sitting/TV watching vortex.  I feel pretty good about sticking up for myself – although I vacillate a lot between feeling “proud” for advocating for myself and feeling like a “baby” for saying something and feeling like a “failure” for not being able to do it all, but I think I’m going to stick with words like “proud” and “advocate” and “sustaining”…without whining. It’s my job as project manager to make sure the Center is staffed correctly isn’t it? Of course nothing will happen and I’ll continue to do it but still..baby steps.

In other great news, it’s back to beach weather and since I’m not yet “in” the ocean I’ve been heading over to New Smyrna Beach.  I have mixed emotions.  There’s an adorable couple neighborhoods where I’ve been parking and at certain times of the day the surf is up to the steps and the beach is deserted. This is my kind of beach:

On Saturday it looked like this.  I shit you not this is the same place:

I mean I don’t get it.  I don’t understand the tides enough to know if it’s tide related, storm related or what the heck happens between the first group of pictures and the second.  It turns into an actual parking lot with cars on the beach and miles and miles of wide surf and you have to be careful not to get hit by a car while walking ON the beach.  But for now this is my beach. Once swimming season starts I have to pick a different location to avoid the “most shark bites capital in the WORLD” beach.  My beach routine consists of either Saturday or Sunday (I still have errands I need a day for)  I just jump in the car – head over – park, walk, sit, read or catch up on phone calls, then stop at this little restaurant before heading home.  I’ve decided I’m going to try everything on their menu before I change locations and move to my summer beach where the sharks don’t bite..as often…which will probably be back over to Stephanie’s and Pass-a-grille beach.

And let’s see do I have anything else to share?  Tomorrow night is a vigil in our town for the high school shooting victims.  It’s also laundry night AND I finally met a neighbor, after a year. Good news/bad news, she sells some product, Arbonne, which she’s going to drop off tomorrow night. I think I’ll put in a load of laundry, see if she wants to walk into the town with me while it’s washing and do a little vigil or protesting or whatever it is going to be before running back home to put the load in the dryer and trying some new face cream.  Perhaps tomorrow night will be another night without TV until at least the laundry is done.  Look at how cured I am already.  As I sit here looking at the clock wondering if it’s been long enough… wondering how many shows I can get in before going to bed, where I am reading Origins by Dan Brown.  So here’s a dilemma.  If I read in the daytime I always fall asleep.  When I read at night it keeps me up.

I see I have a lot of writing practice to do before I’m ready for book #2.  Perhaps, perhaps, I will drag you all down along with me while I practice.

xoxoxo