It’s Peanut Butter Jelly time     

Jimmy’s friend (Jeffrey) used to say all the time when he was at our house “it’s peanut butter jelly time” – I think he used to do a dance too…maybe the dance had something to do with stirring the butter…kids… Anyway, it’s stuck with me…mostly because I’m known for always eating and making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  Back in the day it was with Nestle’s Quik in milk; also known as chocolate milk, except I wouldn’t stir the chocolate.  I would just eat it off the bottom.  I have graduated from that but I still like the occasional peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Not as much as I used to I’m happy to report because believe it or not it’s a little too sweet for me these days…says the person who ate EIGHT cookies yesterday because obviously they weren’t too sweet.

Why am I thinking of Jeffrey and Peanut Butter jelly time?  Because I made cookies.

I made cookies in my brand new apartment size stove with a window!  That window is adorable.  My landlord was also excited about the window.  He told me when he saw the window he said it had to be that one. I think I have a good landlord(s).  So I took them the first batch of cookies.  I had to list the  ingredients because everyone has some sort of allergy these days but luckily they past the allergy test.  I promised a co-worker that as soon as I had a new stove I would bring in cookies and since I don’t like to break promises I’m making the rest of the batch for work.  I’m feeling a bit like myself again.  A little blend of the new and old.  New stove, new and old spatula(s), new oven mitt, but old kitchen aid mixer and old cookie  sheet.  I have saved that cookie sheet from years and years and YEARS ago because I swear it is the only one that cooks them perfectly.  The oven is doing a pretty good job too apparently.

Next I’ll be roasting the beets that I got Friday night at the farmers market, the foodie I am, I’m very excited about the farmer’s market here.  I bought a bag of greens – not much lettuce in it – but she threw in all kinds of leafy items including nasturtiums – told me to be sure to eat the flowers – so I did when I made a salad last night.  The flowers were the best part.  Well anyway, tonight it’s beets (from the farmer’s market) and cookies.  Dinner of champions.

Also this weekend…I found the beach.  All I have to do is come out of my parking spot and make a right and drive for 25 miles and voilà I am there, at New Smyrna Beach. After getting beeped at by several drivers who were not so patient with my slow driving while I was trying to find my way around I did find off street parking.  So follow along with the pictures:

At this point I had not yet seen the beach – I just knew it was there up and over those steps.  I walked up the steps:

And this is what I saw:

I swear I was in shock.  It is not the same as walking over from Stephanie’s or from my own 150 steps or from any place I went in the last 3 years ever.  All I could think of was “I’m not in Kansas anymore.” I mean I like took a step back and said out loud “holy shit” – almost turned around and got back in the car but I did not. I ventured forward.  The brave soul that I am.

Here’s the scene from the beach level.

It was way too crowded.  Way too big.  I didn’t like it one bit.  BUT, I plopped my chair down anyway and read a bit.  Actually it was okay then as I blocked everything else out…but then I decided I wanted to venture on up the coast and find South Daytona Shores which a friend told me I would probably like.  So back in the car – made a right to go North – 15 minutes later I’m in the Daytona Beach area.  I DID like it more. Even though it’s highrise after highrise – once I got onto the beach it was much less crowded.  I decided I like the idea of driving onto the beach ($10 a day or $25 for a yearly pass for a resident.  Guess who’s a resident?) So I drove onto the beach and parked and loved it.  LOVED it.

The Ocean is not the Gulf.  The Ocean is so much bigger and grander and did I mention bigger and romantic.  You know?  I mean it’s the Ocean – Atlantis is under there! Across the Ocean is Africa.  Across the Gulf is Texas.  The Gulf to me was always like a big lake.  That said I had/have learned to love the Gulf and given the option, at least today, I would choose to live on that Gulf side of the state BUT I do think I’m going to love the Ocean as well.  The water was warm enough to go in but I did not.  It was a little overwhelming.  Again so big and it looked rough to me and well you know I’m no spring chicken and it wasn’t that hot and I was alone and well so I read my book.  Here’s scenes from this beach:

Oh and then I just walked across the little pathway (that’s for cars) and put my stuff in the trunk and went for a walk.  Ya know? Kinda nice to have that option to just lock up your stuff in your car that is right there…on the beach…BUT I did notice when I pulled into that sand that my car just sunk. I tried to back up a bit and just spun.  That’s when I first got there.  I decided to worry about it later.

Meanwhile, a lifeguard came by (in a truck) took one look at my car, unprovoked by me, stopped, got a shovel and dug around my tires.  To which I then approached him and thanked him and told him I was worried about that – he said I should be fine just keep the wheels straight and back up.  Well, yea,,,,,when it was time to go after a lovely lovely day I got stuck.  I did what the lifeguard said – I kept it straight and when I “thought” I was on the road (so to speak) I cut the wheel.  Also the tide was coming in and I was afraid of backing up too far into the water.  It was a narrow space.  Well anyway, down I went, into the sand.  I think I cut it too soon.  Two guys got up and came to my aid.  They dug around my tires and it did nothing.  Then they tried to push and still nothing, I’m just sinking more and now I’m blocking the road.  Along comes two really handsome men (and their girlfriends I suppose) in a golf cart – I swear they were like football players or something – and just without a word – got out and came over to push – big smiles on their faces.  One of their girlfriend’s said she wanted to push too and got out to help.  I wish I would have gotten a picture of all of them – but I was mortified to say the least.  Luckily the FIVE of them pushed me right out and home I came. When I got home I saw my neighbors and told them about getting stuck on the beach and they implied that it’s totally normal to get stuck.  I guess that makes me feel a little better but not real clear about where to park next time.  Do I just park and let people push me out every time?

I took a different road home and passed a mall, the Daytona Beach airport and the Daytona Speedtrack.  Have you ever seen the speedtrack?

It is the biggest thing I have ever ever seen.  I saw it the first time when I came down here with Jimmy in 2009 on a college tour trip.  So this was my second time and I was still as awe-struck as the first.  I mean it’s jaw dropping big, at least to me.  Well anyway, I believe that road (not the road I took in the morning) will be my go to road because believe it or not I kinda miss civilization.  As I am trying to reinvent myself….again…and trying to figure out what I want out of life I vacillate between living alone-ish on a Greek Island with a really good farmers market and a beach – to missing a mall, a movie theater, and my bunkoettes.  And sooo many days when I miss my boys, and Zenah (all of them really) and I just wonder about moving away from EVERYONE….and I think to myself what did I do? (with big tears) And then other days, when I’m at the beach alone with my book I think I’m in heaven.

The book I’m reading?  It’s the first one I got from my library.  It’s called Rebirth, by Kamal Ravikant. Sometimes I’ll go into a bookstore (or library) and just pick out a book because everytime I do that it is something that I need to hear.  So without knowing anything about this book I picked it off the shelf.  Well, obviously that’s half a lie based on the title of the book Rebirth and all.  But anyway, the story I knew nothing about.  Turns out it’s about a man (young adult) walking the Camino (the Camino de Santiago).  Diane walked that Camino.  I think of her as I read the book, I can’t believe she did that.  It’s such a cool experience.  Anyway, the author meets so many other pilgrims (that’s what they call themselves, pilgrims) along his journey all of course who help with his dilemma.  Of course there is an ex-girlfriend involved.  An ex-girlfriend of 5 months.  I had to go back and reread that and make sure I was right about the 5 months.  Cause seriously, ya know?  But why am I judging?  I need to stop that.  He misses her but his father has also died and he’s having a really really tough time with that.  Everyone he meets is going through something or has gone through something.

Here are a couple of my favorite passages:

“You are at the edge of a cliff and you stand and wait for wings to grow before you jump…But life wants you to jump first, then your wings grow.  And I assure you, they grow quickly.”

“If I loved myself, what would I do?”

“To think your hurt is special is nonsense.  You have pain, I have pain. The world has stories of pain..It is not your wound that makes you special….It is the light that shines through that does.”

I recommend this book to anyone going through “a time.”  There are so many passages in there that I love. I wish I could write them all on here.

I’m not in pain…I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea but I am going through a time of figuring stuff out….still and again. I know I know it seems like I’ve been going through that time for a LONG time, but really it’s not even a year yet and think about all that has happened in a year.  This time last year I was living with this big family, in a big(ish) house(certainly compared to now), traveling, planning a vacation with the girls, then I lived at the beach for three months and there was Stephanie who became such a big part of my life in such a short time, left there in a hurricane to drive to Virginia, left Virginia in another hurricane back to Florida, gave up on Florida and went back to Virginia accepting my fate, trying to get settled there only to be upended again and back in Florida in a completely new place. All that in a year!! Like nothing is familiar. NOTHING, okay except maybe Publix.  Sometimes I just walk through Publix so I can feel at home – I know right?  Home. WTF.  The book talks about the Camino walk is in three parts; life, death and rebirth.  Guess that’s true for any life journey if you think about it.  I mean having kids is life, they grow, they move that’s death, and then what you do after that is rebirth.  For me that rebirth is really taking some twists and turns.  So many twists and turns I’m having a hard time keeping up. I hope I can make all those twists and turns into bestsellers!!  HA!!!

Okay – that’s it – my thoughts for the day.  Old and new.  Chocolate chip cookies in a new oven.  A new spatula and an old cookie sheet.  The Ocean and my old beach chair.

The beets are wayyy over cooked.

xoxoxo