The sun will come out tomorrow

I have pinpointed, without a doubt, that my moods are weather related.  Perhaps everyone is going “duh” but living here it’s much more noticeable. In Pittsburgh the sun was hardly ever out so when it came out everyone was happy.  In Florida the sun was always out, and it’s hard to know if everyone was happy because it was just the norm.  I think I was happier.  I know I was happier with the sunshine but there were other factors there as well.  Here, in Virginia there is a mix of rain days and sun days.  There are no other factors that affect my positive mood so I have pinpointed that when the sun is out I am a happy happy camper.  My mood is different, the world is full of possibilities and well my life is just happier with sun.  Even when it’s 40°, if there’s sun I’m doing well.

This time in my life was probably not the right time to try to sell a book.  It is daunting and it’s so depressing.  First of all there are all these “rules” about writing the perfect query letter.  I want to say “isn’t this about the book??”  Can’t you just read the book and decide?  Who cares what experience you have or how your letter reads?  Either you like the book or you don’t?  I don’t know, call me crazy but I think these agents should read 10-20 pages, if you hate it pitch it.  That’s all.  But to hate it based on a letter?  And you know “my” book isn’t a literary masterpiece. It’s just fluff.  Maybe this is the wrong time to be pushing fluff?  Probably nobody wants to read fluff now.  Or maybe it’s the right time for fluff?  I thought I’d be okay with 200 queries and not get depressed knowing the Harry Potter story and there were agents (or an agent) that didn’t like the Beatles. I’m not saying I’m in that company of course but it’s hard to keep going.  I’ve received 4 rejects and the rest no response.  I’ve sent out a little over 20 queries.  A far cry from my goal of 200 and yet it’s hard to keep going.  On a sunny day, like today, would be the time to send them because I would be more positive about it, except I’m back to the lifestyle of when the sun shines I gotta get outside and enjoy it.  So today I was out clearing the front getting ready for the daffodils..

See?

And then I walked down to the creek and sat there for a while trying to calm my mind.  I don’t think we’ve talked about the creek yet have we?  Well, there is a creek 🙂 As kids we would play in this creek.  There is a creek path.  I meant to count the steps to it today, so we can all compare to the 150 steps to the beach comparison but I forgot.  I’m going to guess it’s around 150 steps down the creek path.  I’ll count on the next 60 degree day.  Well anyway it is a very peaceful location.  There are birds, there’s the abandoned sawmill, there’s the sound of the water.  It’s so peaceful. ONE of these days I’m going to expand that path – not to the road – but just around so someday, maybe one can meander by the creek around the property – you know like a meditative walk thing.  Maybe, someday.  Hunting season starts here in November, right as I moved here, and was over on January 7 so there is no going to the creek during that time frame.  But now?  Before the bugs, before the chiggers come out is the perfect time.

Have I mentioned that I have a paying job now?  I will never be able to pay a bill with it but it is something, which is better than nothing, or so I’ve been told.  I am a compassionate companion, i.e. babysitter for the elderly.  I have babysat twice for the same lady.  She is very nice.  The family is very nice.  It gets me out of the house and I will make enough money to have lunch with Lori and chai latte’s at Wegmans.  I know, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up, on many levels.  BUT whatever.  I can pick and choose my hours and assignments.  So there’s that.  Each time when I have come home I have gone straight to the computer and sent out a couple more queries for the book.  It is motivating to be broke and without hope of a career revival but at the same time it is demoralizing to have just another avenue of rejection.  It is hard to believe or at times imagine my life getting any better.

And now this world we live in has me really concerned.  I don’t typically get involved in politics other than listening to NPR.  I swore I would quit listening when Trump took office, much like I did when George W was in office.  And I do walk away from the news a lot.  But look at Facebook.  I can’t stand it, yet I keep getting drawn to it.  It is awful.  Everything about what is going on is awful.  Well almost everything.  I want to stay out of it but really I don’t.  I want to be in the middle of it.  I don’t want to sit by and let things happen but I don’t know what to do about it.  Sitting by the creek this is what I thought of:

I am thankful to Trump for the following:

The Women’s March – for years Obama was trying to get us all fired up, get us to get involved, get us to become passionate about the process and we all just sat back and posted things on Facebook.  Trump is in office one day and millions of us, around the world, are in the streets. MILLIONS.  What I also like about Trump, because it’s so unTrump like is that he has not said much about it.  What I have read is that at first he wasn’t pleased but then said “peaceful protests are a hallmark of our democracy.”  To that I say Go Trump.

The Press – because of the way Trump is attacking the Press I am hopeful that this will make the Press more vigilant in reporting facts. There is no denying that there is fake news, there is stupid news, and there is unsubstantiated news.  Trump and his alternative fact news will only strengthen the legitimate journalists in the world to be more vigilant and cautious as they are reporting the facts.  As consumers of these facts WE must be vigilant as well.  As we are now finding out that Trump is suppressing information and of course we all know he’s making shit up it’s going to be up to us to figure out how to know what is true and what isn’t.  Now when I see something posted on Facebook and I become outraged I take a breath and think about whether or not it’s fake.  Fake news outlets are going to take advantage of our naïvety and our willingness to jump all over Trump so we “lefties” have to be careful that what we’re responding to is true as well.  It is interesting scary times but hopefully we will all learn discernment and I am hopeful to have more accurate reporting because of it.

Voting fraud – on the surface I think Good!  Screw yourself asshole (speaking to Trump) If there is voter fraud then let’s find it. However, I am hearing the implications of this could be that there are stricter rules making it harder for people to vote.  However (again I say however) I see this still as a good checks and balance thing.  Maybe there IS voter fraud, and maybe it’ll work against him.  It is an antiquated system for sure that should be visited and reviewed.  However, having his hand in it is pretty scary.

That’s the end of my list of thankful to Trump.  He scares the bejeezus out of me.  And he should scare the bejeezus out of all humans on the planet.  But I came to another realization sitting down by that creek, we as a species are just never going to agree on anything.  Take the Women’s March.  I was shocked at the comments from other women. Which was stupid of me to be shocked when I was the one that commented that women have always fought against each other and then I see other women saying “you’re not marching for me” kind of statements and I’m like WHAT?  WHAT???  I mean the comments that “I’m not oppressed blah blah” I’m like okay.  But you know there are others in the world that don’t share your same fortune?  You know that right?  I have never had cancer, yet I walked in the Susan G. Komen breast cancer walk.  When I go to church and we pray for the sick and poor and whoever else we pray for well I’m usually not sick at the time and there are people MUCH worse off than me but I don’t get up and walk out of church and say “oh this doesn’t apply to me so I’m going to leave now.”  I mean doesn’t it make sense that just because our own human rights haven’t been violated that so many other people in the world DO have their rights violated?  And so what if Trump has not violated them, although clearly he is misogynist, but what is wrong with being an active participant in our country, and in our world? What’s wrong with saying “we’re watching you Trump and we care about these things and we’re letting you know in a BIG way?”  How is that wrong?  The only thing I think women can argue with each other on is abortion laws.  I am anti-abortion and I’m pro choice.  I see both sides, clearly.  But don’t you think women should be arguing/debating this in Washington?  Personally I don’t think this is a government concern.  The government shouldn’t be making decisions about our bodies BUT BUT I understand the other side.  Again though, it is women that need to be debating this not Trump and his merry men.  If nothing else it is women that keep the human species alive.  Without us there would be no humankind.  Every one of us has come from some woman’s womb.  Right?  Aren’t test tube babies put inside a womb as well? We should at least all agree that we are the mother’s of humankind whether or not we have bore children we have come from a woman.  And if we are to believe the Bible we don’t even need a man to have a baby. (although I wouldn’t bet on this idea to keep humankind going – and I am a fan of the two-party (mother and father) system)

Well, anyway, I had sent an email out earlier to a few like-minded peeps saying I don’t know how to handle living in today’s world.  I want to stay active, I want to stay vigilant but I don’t want to argue with people on Facebook and I know I am risking losing friends (but probably not good friends) by voicing my opinion.  The truth is that those of you that agree with me are going to agree with me, those that don’t agree with “our” side will NEVER agree to our side.  So what’s the sense in voicing my opinion?

And then I came up with this (all while sitting by the creek):

Those of us that WANT to stay vigilant and on top of things need to keep this going.  We need to keep reading things (or writing things) that keep our passion and activism alive. We need to be each other’s checks and balances too.  If we see something that claims Trump makes it illegal to be a redhead we should first do some fact checking. Instead of trying to change anyone’s mind my hope is to just keep vigilant (yes I KNOW I’m over using that word) and wait for the next time we can be heard or participate in a march and come up with ways to stay on top of “our” country and what is happening here.  I hear there may be a Science march next.  Maybe this time I’ll get on a train and go do that march in DC.  I really don’t know what I’ll do next but I can’t not do anything and I can’t not say anything (because that’s what I do, say stuff).  I want to give Trump a chance, I do, and I think Melania might really work in our favor, but he is a scary scary man and these are scary scary times.  There is no debating that.  This truly is the land of the free and the home of the brave.  I want to be brave!

All this from 30 minutes at the creek. Next post I promise I’ll stick to fluff.  Unless of course there’s a reason not to 🙂

xoxoxox