Guess what I did tonight? Go ahead guess. I bug bombed (sort of) my bedroom. What is with me and bugs? I mean seriously I don’t make this shit up.
When I first came in September I was itching in bed so of course I assumed it was bed bugs and bug bombed the whole upstairs. I still itched so I changed the laundry detergent. That seemed to help, but I noticed there were a couple of silverfish in this bedroom of mine that the bug bomb didn’t seem to effect and well I figured I didn’t want to make a big deal of it, I’ll just kill them as I see them. Fast forward to November 28 and I am losing my mind with these things. I have gotten a few off of the ceiling but now they are showing up ON the bed and last night IN the bed. What the fuck? Why me? I was up half the night Googling how to get rid of them. And then this morning told mom. She had me call Mel (the exterminator she has been using for 20 years) right away who says he’ll be out in a couple of days. He’s very nice. But then I went on a hunt for other products. Boric Acid should help sprinkled in the corners, etc.; I made some jar traps where they are supposed to be able to go in and then can’t get out; they also don’t like Lavender or cedar smells. I happen to have some Lavender from my hospice days and I bought some Lavender incense from the Dollar Store. We also have 10 acres filled with Cedar trees, if only I knew how to make them into chips. I went to the hardware store first (In Goochland) and they had nothing to help me; then to the cute little Pharmacy for Lavender sachets or anything they might have to help; they also had nothing, and the store really isn’t that cute; so then I had to drive 20 miles to the Dollar Store where I found everything I wanted including Christmas decorations 🙂
Upon returning home, after dinner of course, I came up to my little room and vacuumed the shit out of it and then poured that powder all over the baseboards and under the baseboard heater and then I made homemade Lavender sachets and put them in the clothes drawers and sprinkled my bed with Lavender. Tomorrow I’m going to have to pull all my shit out of the closet that is behind my bed and clean in there. It is VERY dark in there and I don’t think it’s been cleaned for 20 years. There’s really not a lot of stuff in there (other than my stuff that I just put in there) – it’s just that it’s so dark. Maybe I’ll wait for Wayne. He comes on Wednesday. That seems like a good job for him.
In other news I walked up to the corner yesterday after cutting some wood and told mom that we are behind in getting our Christmas decorations up (you know half kidding) and surprisingly she was all for it. She told me I could decorate however I wanted and then proceeded to tell me exactly where she wanted me to put the decorations and what NOT to put up. You know, because I can decorate how “I” want. LOL.
My sister asked me what I do at night since there’s no TV (or internet) and I said “HA” – I don’t even think about what I don’t have anymore. Mom listens to NPR classical music radio all day long. I like that now too. Mom listens to books on tapes at night. We got Inferno (by Dan Brown) so I can listen to that one too. I can listen to any of them but sometimes I just zone out and look at a magazine by the fire while she listens to her books. I can’t read at the same time, I haven’t learned how to tune out her books or radio. I could come upstairs but it’s usually so cold and then I’d have to lay in bed but I don’t really want to go to bed at 8 at night so I just sit down there with her, usually with a fire going. The time goes by, it really does, and before you know it it’s time for bed.
During the days there are lots of little projects to do. There’s the firewood of course and then just house stuff. One day I cleaned the screens and windows in the living room and then you know general cleaning with the floors and the dusting and the vacuuming plus I cook everyday (or warm something up). She loves being back out in the garden so I’ll be out there with her working alongside or doing other yard type things so I can keep an eye on her. I had to put my foot down the other day when she asked for the clippers. I said “no” – a blind woman will cut off her fingers. I watched as she showed me how she would use them and I said “nope, no, no no” and she surprisingly did not argue. So she still has her fingers. Isn’t that good?
Then there are the errands and as previously reported you just can’t run out for anything. Today I left at 1:30 in the afternoon and got back at 8:00 and only got ½ done. No fire tonight because it’s pretty warm and I’m staying upstairs (where it’s not cold tonight) so I can be with the Lavender incense because she doesn’t want me to leave it unattended. Well I mean in a wood house I probably shouldn’t leave any fire type item unattended anyway, that’s just common sense.
I also get a lot of baths before bed. That’s kinda becoming my thing too. I do read in the tub.
It’s pretty darn cozy up here tonight in my bedroom as I type away (and check for bugs). I was looking into switching my cell service to Verizon because I believe a Verizon phone will work in this house and then between using that as a hot spot and using my brother’s hot spot I might even be able to do more computer stuff here at home. Nothing quite as decadent like watching TV on my computer, I’ve given that up. I’ve given up my music, I’ve given up eating meat (at my mom’s anyway), I’ve given up talking on the phone, I’ve given up laying on the couch (she has a really uncomfortable futon which she thinks is really comfortable), I’ve given up driving to Pittsburgh trying to see my kids on a whim, and I’ve given up having any semblance of knowing who I am. I mean I’m not even a mom anymore. Well obviously I am a mom, but you know, I can’t even be there if I wanted to be.
Obviously this is some sort of spiritual quest, that I didn’t ask for, nevertheless I will endure because I don’t seem to have a choice in the matter. Luckily I really do love this weather and my mom. Once I get bundled up enough and get outside I warm up (so far) very nicely. The air is so crisp and it feels and smells so good. The bugs (outside) are not out this time of year; only here IN the house; and hopefully all the snakes are sleeping somewhere where we are not. Yesterday I was out cutting my wood and in the path right behind me I saw three girls on horseback – then three girls walking on it – and then one more horse and girl. I don’t know any of them, where they are coming from or where they are going to. It’s not the beach, but it’s horses. I love horses. If these girls are riding through our yard shouldn’t they be obligated to let me ride with them? I think that should be a “thing” – don’t you?
In the meantime I shall cut wood and live life through my mother who once again, just like 50+ years ago, makes all the decisions for me because I’ve made such a mess of making my own decisions. I feel like I have to grow up again. I wonder how I’ll turn out this time?
xoxox