Clearing and Cleansing

And here we go…new updates from a new venue..Depending on my mood at any given moment I go from crying to total acceptance.  Total acceptance is winning and I’m feeling really good about being here.  Cold, but good.

Instead of walking on beaches I am now working in the yard and figuring out how to stay warm.  I’m a fan of a fire (in the fireplace) and I’m hoping that fires will cut down on the heating bill, although I’m skeptical about that, but anyhoo, here’s me trying to split a log.

I got the wedge stuck.  Yea, I’m no good.  BUT it’s on my to-do list to accomplish by next year.  If I don’t chop my leg off I want to learn how to split wood AND be strong enough to do it. In the meantime I have gone from buying wood at the grocery store to finding a neighbor, who I met when he stopped over to look at trimming up some trees for mom, who also sells firewood.  He lives right around the corner and I can fill up my trunk for $20 and he doesn’t even have to be home.  It’s a god-send.  I should never have to buy kindling with all the branches in the yard and I’m using pine cones as fire starters.  Are pine cones okay to use?  Does anybody know?  Also, until I use up the grocery store logs I am chipping at the logs with an axe to help the wood catch better.  Mom brought it up to try doing because the wood is so pressed it’s not catching and then I remembered Jorden used to do that in Tampa.  He’s so smart and apparently so is mom. So I’m chipping away.  It’s kinda fun being this country girl.

We spent outside yesterday working in the yard.  I put mom to work weeding which she was thrilled to do and I started my own “dead” zone.  Remember I had a dead zone in Tampa?  If not, let me refresh your memory…I take the dead flowers and replant them and send them love and then hope that they come back next year.  So Saturday night there was a frost, 🙁 I know, so much to get used to again, and anyway so I took the dead dead begonias and replanted them in Jimmy’s old garden. So here’s the story on the gardens.  Stop me if I’m repeating myself..

Years ago – probably like 20 years now – during a visit to my mom’s – me Zach and Jimmy (and mom) went to visit Norie, the moss lady.  Norie has her entire yard as a garden – with paths of moss and then different plants along the way.  So after that visit Zachary came to my mom’s and took a rake and made paths in this front area that was used for nothing and mom built a garden around that.  Years later, not too many years, but like 10 years later, Jimmy, not wanting to be left out, decided that he would make a garden path area too.  Unfortunately not long after that mom lost her sight and Jimmy’s area went undeveloped and back to nature.  So I’ve decided to try and rejuvenate Jimmy’s garden. I reinstated a couple paths yesterday (his original paths) and planted some plants in the dead zone.  I don’t really want to turn Jimmy’s garden into “the dead zone” that just has all sorts of negative connotation but anyway I’m going to make that my project.  I also have to help my mom weed the main garden cause it really needs it.  She has a gardener you know and when I question why he’s not doing it she says he doesn’t like to weed and he’s also afraid of snakes.  Go the eff figure.  BUT we love him anyway as he does an awful lot of other stuff for her. So I’ll just keep putting mom  to work.  Next week I’ll have her change the oil in my car.

Last week I applied to Barnes and Noble and Target, followed up on a really good work at home job in higher ed, and sent my book to another agent.  I’m up to 5 agents.  I know I’ll have to get to around 200 before getting really depressed, so I’m not depressed at all.  It takes 4-6 weeks typically for anyone to even review your request.  I’ll start getting depressed maybe next Spring. We’ll see.  For now it’s just added to my to-do list to keep sending requests out.

Then today I went to the Social Services office and applied for food stamps.  My life sure has changed hasn’t it?  From pedicures and horseback riding, date nights, and beaches to welfare, slipper socks, firewood, and living with mom.  There are plenty of horses around. I’m not giving up on that.

I think the welfare system is in place for people like us, like me, who need it until I get on my feet.  So I’m happy to have the option.  I don’t know how long it takes, although I think she might have said I would be called in for an interview in the next couple of days.  I’m looking forward to the interview and hoping they might have some ideas for me as well.  The county offices are in the old high school where my mom went.  It was cool walking in the hallways that she walked in at one time.  Mom thought maybe I could get a job there.  I’ll be asking about that during my food stamp interview. It’s all part of the human experience.

I’ll be able to get through another month with my car but it’s really such a bad car to have in this climate.  I haven’t figured out what to do about that yet.  Even if I sold it I’d have to get another one and I am in no position to get another vehicle.  I’m scared to death to be on these roads at night, in that car, in rain that turns to ice.  Already the wheels are spinning in the gravel driveway.  It’s just not meant for country living – my favorite little car.  So I’ll wait for the heavens to provide an answer there.  Or wait for them to take it from me.  Whichever comes first.

The Super moon is tonight – time for clearing and cleansing.  I will be setting up my little alter and cleansing away.  I won’t be able to see the moon tonight as it is raining – like socked in rain – and cold.  Only 40°. I’m  trying to think if there is one thing that is not different for me now from the last two years and well, I can’t come up with it.  I guess my car is the same…for now.

Lovin life in the woods,

xoxoxo